Sincerelee
01-14-2009, 01:38 PM
Gary Chapman wrote the book. He explains how people generally respond to love in five manners.
http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/learn.html
They are:
Words of Affirmation - Saying "I love you."
Quality time - Spending time together
Gifts - Physucal gifts such as jewelry
Acts of Service - Cooking, cleaning, etc.
Physical Touch - From hand holding to sex
Each of us respond to one or more of these and it is how we know we are loved. Also, the way we feel loved is how we express love.
Each of us has a reservouir that wanes through living life and needs to be refilled. Usually, it is doing one of the other languages that drains us and makes us need to restore our love language reserve. When it is empty, we feel unloved. When it is full, we have to stop filling it, similar to how we stop eating when our stomachs are full.
For example, someone might feel loved by physical touch, but they are a janitor, so service does not say love to them, but increases their need for physical touch at the end of the day. Someone else may feel loved when someone does some sort of service for them, but they are a massage therapist, so physical touch is just a job for them.
I said all that to say this. Your GF may feel love through the quality time you had on Saturday. Now that it is full, she does not have the need to be around you for a while.
The way you know you found the right girl for you is when she gives back to you in your love language, no matter how needful she is to feel loved. Relationships work best when the manner you show love is the same as the way she feels love. And, vice versa. Then, you both constantly give each other love at the same time.
Usually, the way we feel love is based on how we received expressions of love when we were kids. If our parents always encouraged us with words, words of affirmation are how we feel love.
Also, we develop love languages by what we are deprived of as children. Children who never were given love through physical touch either have no need for it, or, once they experience it, it is what they crave and are insatiable for it.
One of the main reasons a spouse cheats is because their mate does not give them expressions of love in the manner they need, and their hope is the one they cheat with will give them it.
Most marriage counselling boils down to "He/she doesn't love me."
"What do you mean I don't love you? I work all day at my job to provide for you. (SERVICE LANGUAGE)"
"But, you never tell me you love me.(WORDS OF AFFIRMATION LAUGUAGE)"
That is similar to if I said to an American who spoke only English, "Ich liebe Dich mit ganzen Hertzen." She would have no clue I just told her, "I love you with all my heart," because she does not understand German. In fact, it might have sounded like I said, "Icky liver dick with gonzo hurtin'.":D
If, through counselling, the partners can learn to express love in the manner their mates understands it, the marriage can recover and be healthy. Often, it ends because bitterness causes one to refuse to give love in a manner that the other needs. (Sometimes, it ends when the one decides the only way out is to do violence.)
Hope that insight helps some.
http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/learn.html
They are:
Words of Affirmation - Saying "I love you."
Quality time - Spending time together
Gifts - Physucal gifts such as jewelry
Acts of Service - Cooking, cleaning, etc.
Physical Touch - From hand holding to sex
Each of us respond to one or more of these and it is how we know we are loved. Also, the way we feel loved is how we express love.
Each of us has a reservouir that wanes through living life and needs to be refilled. Usually, it is doing one of the other languages that drains us and makes us need to restore our love language reserve. When it is empty, we feel unloved. When it is full, we have to stop filling it, similar to how we stop eating when our stomachs are full.
For example, someone might feel loved by physical touch, but they are a janitor, so service does not say love to them, but increases their need for physical touch at the end of the day. Someone else may feel loved when someone does some sort of service for them, but they are a massage therapist, so physical touch is just a job for them.
I said all that to say this. Your GF may feel love through the quality time you had on Saturday. Now that it is full, she does not have the need to be around you for a while.
The way you know you found the right girl for you is when she gives back to you in your love language, no matter how needful she is to feel loved. Relationships work best when the manner you show love is the same as the way she feels love. And, vice versa. Then, you both constantly give each other love at the same time.
Usually, the way we feel love is based on how we received expressions of love when we were kids. If our parents always encouraged us with words, words of affirmation are how we feel love.
Also, we develop love languages by what we are deprived of as children. Children who never were given love through physical touch either have no need for it, or, once they experience it, it is what they crave and are insatiable for it.
One of the main reasons a spouse cheats is because their mate does not give them expressions of love in the manner they need, and their hope is the one they cheat with will give them it.
Most marriage counselling boils down to "He/she doesn't love me."
"What do you mean I don't love you? I work all day at my job to provide for you. (SERVICE LANGUAGE)"
"But, you never tell me you love me.(WORDS OF AFFIRMATION LAUGUAGE)"
That is similar to if I said to an American who spoke only English, "Ich liebe Dich mit ganzen Hertzen." She would have no clue I just told her, "I love you with all my heart," because she does not understand German. In fact, it might have sounded like I said, "Icky liver dick with gonzo hurtin'.":D
If, through counselling, the partners can learn to express love in the manner their mates understands it, the marriage can recover and be healthy. Often, it ends because bitterness causes one to refuse to give love in a manner that the other needs. (Sometimes, it ends when the one decides the only way out is to do violence.)
Hope that insight helps some.