Utah
01-14-2007, 02:35 PM
Hey guys,
Last year I did a presentation about the differences in men and women and how we communicate (I did it as part of my law degree).
Although the context was relating to how men and women argue and reason differently I think it is of relevance to us here. Its certainly helped me understand parts of the game better. I won't bother referencing all the info but I will say that everything here is completely legit. I've also annotated the parts and how I think they relate to the game.
Anyway, here is the female perspective...enjoy...
1. The relational view of others:
Women view things in terms of relationships. This means what is important to women is the relationships that they form a part of. Thats why we have things like LMR - they don't want to be thought of as a slut which will affect their relationships with others. Its also why women want to LJBF people they don't want to sleep with. They are not attracted to them but still want to maintain the relationship. Men view themselves as more autonomous or separate.
2. Embedded view of agency:
Boundaries between themselves and others are blurred. Everything must be looked at in the context in which it emerges.
Men focus on individual achievement and activities that are defined by task and structure – the self contained view of agency.
3. Control through empowerment:
Women believe assertiveness can lead away from connection so they emphasise the needs of others to make them feel powerful. This is an interesting point. I think it can mean a number of things. Firstly, women are not assertive and prefer the male to lead (anyone trying to get a Day 2 with a girl can understand this - they don't want you to call up and say: "hey lets do something - do you have any ideas as to what?") Also, because women emphasise with people it can mean that you can be chatting away for a long time with them and think you are making progress but in reality are not (ie. LJBF'ing you)
4. Problem solving through dialogue:
Women use 2 types of talk: “Active listening” and dictative talk.
Men and women use dialogue in different ways.
Status/Hierarchy: One up and one down. If an man wants to assert pressure on someone they do things in a different way. The example I used was trying to get a doctors appointment from a Dr that was all booked out for a week. A male is likely to reinforce that he is powerful and important and that is why he should get priority. A woman is likely to either call up and make the Dr feel sorry for her and thats why she should get an appointment or try and reemphasise their sameness (ie. Both she and the Dr may have attended the same high school etc...)
Also, women don't like to use abstraction when they argue - for them everything is part of a larger context. Thats why being logical with a woman will not work - you must appeal to her emotional side.
However thias is trained out of her as she gets older. So a woman (especially in a legal context) is taught to think like a male.
There is a great example of this. Take a hypothetical scenario of a husband and a wife. The husband is dying of a terrible disease. There is a cure but the wife can't afford it. Now, would the wife be prepared to steal the cure to save her husbands wife? For most guys this is a no-brainer - human life is worth more to them than stealing some medication (looking at things in abstract). For a woman however, of the young girls (under 10) that were asked most said "no" and talked about just asking the drug keeper, or borrowing more money etc...But as the women got older there answers became similar to the men (as society trains them to think in the abstract).
Interesting, huh?
hope you get some use out of this material.
Last year I did a presentation about the differences in men and women and how we communicate (I did it as part of my law degree).
Although the context was relating to how men and women argue and reason differently I think it is of relevance to us here. Its certainly helped me understand parts of the game better. I won't bother referencing all the info but I will say that everything here is completely legit. I've also annotated the parts and how I think they relate to the game.
Anyway, here is the female perspective...enjoy...
1. The relational view of others:
Women view things in terms of relationships. This means what is important to women is the relationships that they form a part of. Thats why we have things like LMR - they don't want to be thought of as a slut which will affect their relationships with others. Its also why women want to LJBF people they don't want to sleep with. They are not attracted to them but still want to maintain the relationship. Men view themselves as more autonomous or separate.
2. Embedded view of agency:
Boundaries between themselves and others are blurred. Everything must be looked at in the context in which it emerges.
Men focus on individual achievement and activities that are defined by task and structure – the self contained view of agency.
3. Control through empowerment:
Women believe assertiveness can lead away from connection so they emphasise the needs of others to make them feel powerful. This is an interesting point. I think it can mean a number of things. Firstly, women are not assertive and prefer the male to lead (anyone trying to get a Day 2 with a girl can understand this - they don't want you to call up and say: "hey lets do something - do you have any ideas as to what?") Also, because women emphasise with people it can mean that you can be chatting away for a long time with them and think you are making progress but in reality are not (ie. LJBF'ing you)
4. Problem solving through dialogue:
Women use 2 types of talk: “Active listening” and dictative talk.
Men and women use dialogue in different ways.
Status/Hierarchy: One up and one down. If an man wants to assert pressure on someone they do things in a different way. The example I used was trying to get a doctors appointment from a Dr that was all booked out for a week. A male is likely to reinforce that he is powerful and important and that is why he should get priority. A woman is likely to either call up and make the Dr feel sorry for her and thats why she should get an appointment or try and reemphasise their sameness (ie. Both she and the Dr may have attended the same high school etc...)
Also, women don't like to use abstraction when they argue - for them everything is part of a larger context. Thats why being logical with a woman will not work - you must appeal to her emotional side.
However thias is trained out of her as she gets older. So a woman (especially in a legal context) is taught to think like a male.
There is a great example of this. Take a hypothetical scenario of a husband and a wife. The husband is dying of a terrible disease. There is a cure but the wife can't afford it. Now, would the wife be prepared to steal the cure to save her husbands wife? For most guys this is a no-brainer - human life is worth more to them than stealing some medication (looking at things in abstract). For a woman however, of the young girls (under 10) that were asked most said "no" and talked about just asking the drug keeper, or borrowing more money etc...But as the women got older there answers became similar to the men (as society trains them to think in the abstract).
Interesting, huh?
hope you get some use out of this material.