how do I get a handle on anger?

[Ice 9]

My study of inner game as already helped me with a ton of anger that has built up over the years. I used to be super pissed off over my experiences with women, especially when they would go for goons who treat'em like crap, but always LJBF decent men. Now that I understand more about attraction, that shit doesn't bother me anymore, and other inner game stuff like meditation and exercise is helping me to come around. I'm actually walking around during the day usually feeling good about myself. This is a HUGE change from how I was before. I used to go about my day pissed off/hurt/depressed pretty much the whole day every day. I knew nothing else.

I've made progress, but I'm not there yet. I'm still sometimes blowing my top sometimes. If the right triggers are pushed, I can REALLY explode in rage! Fortunately, it's never around women. It's never even around other people. I'm pretty good at staying calm even when people exhibit bad behavior. My blow ups are only when I'm alone. And, without fail, they're always when something unexpected happens. For example, if I have to drive somewhere around 5 o'clock, I know it's rush hour and I've accepted that there's going to be some stop and go traffic. I just turn on some music and take it easy. It's no big deal. However, one day I had been on the other side of the state and had been driving home for 8 hours. I was just getting into the city where I lived at about 11 PM when the roads are almost always wide open. However, on this day there somehow was a traffic jam at that late hour. I fucking blew my top! I was screaming and yelling and hitting my hand on the steering wheel.

Computer problems can also make me blow up in rage. I'm actually extremely knowledgable about computers, but that doesn't mean they never make me mad. If I know in advance that I need to fix someone's computer that's been invaded by viruses or whose hard drive has crashed or whatever, I can take it easy and just fix it. I know exactly how to do it. When I'm on my own machine and need to get something done and then unexpectedly it crashes or slows down or the network burps, I blow my top. It happens even though I'm a computer expert. There's never been a computer problem I've faced that I haven't been able to fix.

It's a pattern. I blow up only when I'm alone and when something unexpected happens that bothers me. The rest of the time, I'm doing pretty well. I'm wondering if anyone else has been through this and if there's something I can do to handle the unexpected better than I've been doing. Thank God I'm not blowing up around women. However, these blowups are interfering with my peace of mind. If anyone has any ideas that can help, I'm all ears.

[azazels_wolf]

From the blow-ups you describe, it sounds like this happens when you feel that you're under a time constraint, and the unexpected circumstance is impeding your ability to _______ ? Is that correct?

What do these situations potentially stop you from accomplishing - Is there a common denominator there? Why is that thing important? Why and how do you feel threatened by the possibility of NOT being able to finish/accomplish that thing?

[Ice 9]

Yes, a time constraint is often, but not always, prevalent. If I'm trying to get to work and someone is poking along in the left lane, that gets me irate. That time I had been driving for 8 hours and then got in a traffic jam, I didn't have to be home by a specific time, but I felt that it was bullshit to have to get stuck after I had been driving for so long.

[azazels_wolf]

Well, sounds like it's either

1) Your ego-mind acting up by playing the victim with "I don't deserve this! I can't change the situation but I refuse to accept it either!" In which case you have to decide to accept the situation if you can't change it....or

2) You're frustrated that the situation is stopping you from gaining something that furthers your goals or validates you....and you get very reactive because you're stuck in your head. Instead of thinking about possible negative consequences, or thinking about how much it sucks, it would help if you could calm your thoughts and simply DO what needs to be done to fix the problem (like the computer issues) without over-thinking. Try to slip into the quiet, meditative state you're familiar with and execute the solution from there.

Hope that helps a bit.

[Ice 9]

That does help. I think you've nailed it. I'm going to use that.

[Searanger]

Just play some online games with a mic for a few hours a day. You'll start getting frustrated and screaming at them and it's a good way to blow off steam. You'll be the most relaxed person on earth if you do this. It's what I do and now i can't get angry at all. Except at those damn people on the internet :)