I can dance but can't approach!!

[Rhythm]

I'm a new member to the community, in fact I have just today signed up to this website.

Ok, here's the thing. I consider myself and have been told on many occasions that I'm attractive and fit/hot. This isn't my problem - nor is the whole dancing thing. My problem is:

How do I approach girls on the dance floor when the loud music makes conversation very awkward?

I usually turn heads, catch eyes and often notice that HBs from accross the crowd make their way through and soon are dancing really close by. It might be a coincidence but this has happened so often that I'm confident that it's because of me having rhythm when I dance ;)

The problem is that I'm such, a big, pussy!

This is by far the biggest problem I have because I think I get such frequent chances?! By chances, I don't mean they are locked by far - I just mean that I sense IOIs in body language and positioning on the dance floor.

Senario: Last night I went to a club in Weston Super-mare called Vision. First time in this club and I was really digging it because there was a floor dedicated to hip hop, yes!! I was the designated driver so I was sober. This however rarely stops me from dancing so that's what we did after a drink at the bar (me and 2 male friends).

After a couple mins of warm up, I began being danced next to and making eye contact from a few HBs. As usual they were all subtle but there non-the-less. Anyway later on in the night, there was a 2set of HBs8/9 that were close by. Of course my balls shrunk and I didn't do anything but these 2 girls were being approached by so many alpha males throughout the night that I was sure I didn't stand a chance. I'm 5'6" with an athletic build and these other guys were much taller, bigger and naturally more alpha. The 2set danced with a couple of the AMOGs but none ever stuck! I figured the girls were taken or just shooting down guys for whatever reason.

I found myself getting more attracted to the brunette of this 2set and throughout the night, kept catching glimpses of eye contact. But hours had lapsed and I felt timing had failed me again, but towards the end of the night they were still dancing together without an alpha around their hips. The strangest thing was her glances toward me were getting more frequent and intensional. Because so much time had passed and I was tired, sweaty and a bit deflated I was wandering what she expected/wanted? "Why didn't I do anything when I first saw her?!" Truth is, I don't know how.

The approach on a loud dance floor is what I most fear and yet are shown IOIs to all the time.

HELP!

[-Silver-]

Welcome to the community buddy! This is just your approach anxiety, and almost everyone has this problem at the begginning. It never goes away, but you can learn to control it. You're problem on the dancefloor isn't bad at all though. If the music is too loud for conversation, then you won't be expected to talk when you're dancing. So go with your strong point and dance up to them. Beat the other alpha males by being a better dancer. Once you're dancing with your target you'll be creating your attraction through the dancing. You can later motion that you want her to follow you to a table, and start conversation there. If you're good at dancing then that would be a perfect DHV for you and could work well as an opener. No speech required! The only trouble you'll have is making that first move. You'll hype yourself up for it, see a target, and then get a massive mental block... but follow the 3-second rule, say fuck my thoughts, i'm just gonna go for it regardless of consequences!' and I guarantee that you'll soon have that AA replaced with adrenaline! Live for the moment.

-Silver-

[Rhythm]

Thanks for the warm greeting. Yeah like I said I always think, then dread, and therefore ignore the 3 second rule. I think in the course of my clubbing life I've only approached a HB maybe once or twice within the 3sec rule! (or when I'm drunk, in which case I don't care, nor remember) So starting from this Thursday when I go out in my local club in town, I'm going to obey the 3sec rule and GO 4 IT! Forget the what ifs, ignore the biologically hardwired warning and just say, "Fuck it!" (as my friend has been telling me all along)

Thanks for the advice. Will post my progress if I get anywhere, cheers!

[-Silver-]

Just tell yourself you're going to follow that 3 second rule just for this one night. You're going to accept that you're shit scared about it, accept that you feel as though you're going to look like an idiot, and just do it anyway because 'what's the worst that can happen?' And as soon as you've approached and everything starts going really well for some bizarre reason ('is this shit working?'), you'll realize you're filled with energy and you just want to keep on approaching, opening absolutely everyone! It's a great feeling to get, and whilst the first set is always a big obstacle to overcome, everything suddenly gets much easier once you're in the swing. I'm not going to wish you good luck, because you don't need it!

-Silver-

[slapypuma]

Here is what you do, if your too much of a pussy to go up and talk to them. and you say you are that good of a dancer. Next time you see a girl giving you the IOI's just go dance with her!!!!!!!!!

If she's really diggin' you like you say.. either just grab her hand.. and start dancing with her OR like come up behind her and let her see you.. if they like you then they might turn there head and give you a nice lil' smile :)

From there.. just grind and dance with her. You already have good kino with her when she's dancing. If she gets hot she'll tell you or give you an excuse to talk to her like turn around and say "I'm going out side.. it's too hot in here" or something like that. Basically then that is your cue to go follow her outside and start talking to her. Don't worry you will NOT get rejected. Your fuckin' in already! ;)

Trust me dude.. I'm a pro at this shit. :cool:


Anyone else reading this.. this is my first post.. I'm an MPUA from MA. Feel free to contact me. w/ a PM or something :)

[-Silver-]

OR like come up behind her and let her see you.. if they like you then they might turn there head and give you a nice lil' smile

They're more likely to turn around, be a bit shocked, and think: 'How long has this guy been behind me for?' Know your angles. No appraches from behind, and no direct appraches. Come in from the side, about 45 degrees from her facing position, and this will help with the tension by making you seem less aggressive in the approach. Without words this will be important as all of your communication will be with body language.

-Silver-

[Rhythm]

Appreciate the input puma, thanks! I've tried the approach from behind a couple of times and the HBs might have been giving out weird signals or something because they would turn around and give me the, "creep!" look - subtle and trying to not be too offensive, but there.

So on that note, I agree with the angle situation Silver has mentioned; One common problem is that if they show a bit of attraction, they are close and then either (usually a 2set) turn sideways on, or worse, my target turns her back with her friend as the spotter facing me. I've tried navigating myself to get a good angle but by that time, 3 secs have deffinately left the station.

Anyway, on a positive note:
I have been approaching HB8/9/possible 10s tonight at that same club in Weston, called Vision. I was in quite a sober state and was making tonight my 'field mission' - talking to HBs and just opening with anything I could think of. I'm proud of what I did, now I have a thirst! lol ;) I must have approached 5 or 6 very attractive girls tonight and I don't care on the number - it's a sober (nearly - felt like it) milestone! I even used Style's 5question game which the HB has to answer 5 qs wrong.... She lost, but her responce was the "I have a bf" line that I seemed to get from every girl tonight, oh well I'm still proud. Guess I need to work on the whole, TALKING thing now! lol At least I kept them smiling for an average 3mins each.

I crashed and burned, but the flames are fuelling this phoenix!!

Thanks guys! keep posting and as will I.

[-Silver-]

'I have a boyfriend.'

'Really? I'd love to meet him! He must be crazy going out with you though.' (C+F)

If she has a bf you should remain unreactive, or react as above. It's either a shit test, or she genuinely does have one but that won't matter yet. If you're still in A2 then you aren't letting on that you like her yet anyway. If you're in A3 or comfort, then just joke about it like above. If you get to meet him, amog him. If you don't, keep plowing and you should still be able to get a # close at the least.

-Silver-

[slapypuma]

They're more likely to turn around, be a bit shocked, and think: 'How long has this guy been behind me for?'


LOL no, not like that. If when you are dancing.. and she is giving you the right vibe's. Go over and dance with her. I've had girls turn there head and smiling at me cause I did come over and dance. When I say go over.. it's not like it's open floor and a few ppl dancing.. NO! lol.. I'm talking like a packed and crowded dance floor... so just work your way over if she isn't already next to you.
If you were approaching a random girl that didn't give you any IOI's with body language then yes, Silver is correct.
Silver perhaps we misinterpretted his article?
If she is giving off IOI's to you, maybe looked at you and smiled.. she's basically inviting you over to dance with her. She's not going to think 'How long has this guy been behind me for?' [/QUOTE].

From my experience's if you can dance really well, and she's giving off IOI's that she's diggin' you / maybe even smiles at you.. she's not going to care if you go over and start dancing with her.

Agree?

[slapypuma]

They're more likely to turn around, be a bit shocked, and think: 'How long has this guy been behind me for?'


LOL no, not like that. If when you are dancing.. and she is giving you the right vibe's. Go over and dance with her. I've had girls turn there head and smiling at me cause I did come over and dance. When I say go over.. it's not like it's open floor and a few ppl dancing.. NO! lol.. I'm talking like a packed and crowded dance floor... so just work your way over if she isn't already next to you.
If you were approaching a random girl that didn't give you any IOI's with body language then yes, Silver is correct.
Silver perhaps we misinterpretted his article?
If she is giving off IOI's to you, maybe looked at you and smiled.. she's basically inviting you over to dance with her. She's not going to think 'How long has this guy been behind me for?' [/QUOTE].

From my experience's if you can dance really well, and she's giving off IOI's that she's diggin' you / maybe even smiles at you.. she's not going to care if you go over and start dancing with her.
As far as coming up directly behind her.. like 180 degree's from behind her.. no.. that's just weird. I just do what I do naturally and dont' think about it. I thought it goes with out saying coming in from the side kind of.. oh well.. my bad.

[slapypuma]

This forum is confusing...sorry for the double post. I should be more clear when I give advice in the future. My bad.

[Cedar]

How do I approach girls on the dance floor when the loud music makes conversation very awkward?


You shouldn't be using interactive conversation on the dance floor. Project your voice and start with some banter. After a few laughs, get her to the smoking patio where you can talk for real. Or get her to the bar for some water. Trying screaming 'smoke' or 'water,' then grab her hand and pull her 10-20 feet to either locale. If she's laughing, she won't stop you.

Her friends might. But that's another question.

[Rhythm]

Yip, I agree! I can totally imagine the common senario playing off in my head - I just have to simply go for it. Both you guys are really useful and I should deffinately use that line Silver gave me to the bf shit-test! ;) I'm still reading through Style's book and trying to half memorise all the lingo used but it's difficult to lock them all in by just reading from a book, which is a very good read! lol Just got to the bit with Courtney Love asking to stay for another couple weeks in Project Hollywood.

Anyway, I haven't been out on the pull since Sat as I've been preparing for my year's exhabition in London, which we have just taken down. By the way, I'm a BA Hons post graduate graphic design student. If I had any inner game (or what it should be called), I'd have used it to engage in conversations with all the designers from the industry who had all come to see our exhibition! damn. I think I visited Leister Square briefly, which I've heard is a place with lots of PUAs and gurus. Pity I spent all my money on my exhibition. Besides, I'm a skint student.

Will be going out tomorrow night though! Thursday night is always a student night in Taunton where I live at the mo. Any tips on basic game stratergies? lol Like I said, it's difficult to absorb information when reading through a book, page by page.

[Rhythm]

Thursday was shit. Music wasn't to my taste and there was no fanny to be seen. Although if there were any around on the sofas or at the bar, I want to know exactly how to run game on them. I need to read up on routines and openers. Any suggestions?

My taste in girls have always been of a high standard, so I need to stand out from the other AFCs when talking to HB8/9s.

[Dragon]

Stop thinking..dude its a dance floor.

[Rhythm]

Club Vision on sat was good. Good music, atmosphere and overall positive vibes around the club. Thing is.... "What the fuck is wrong with me??!!"

Once I warmed up to the beats I joined the floor. Soon enough there was a 2set that, well, let me paint the picture; They were walking through the dancefloor, subtley glanced at me and decided to stop right infront within arm's-reach. Dancing with their backs toward me - makes my brain tick you know?

"Did they stop there on purpose? If so, are they looking to be approached? How the hell am I going to gain approval/acceptance with her back turned?? Are they in front of me because of ME?"

I am smart enough to know that they use this method as a fool-proof way to blow off any jerks. If the guy doesn't make a good enough first impression, she could simply dismiss him and act like she had never seen him, nor knew he was even there! But, if the guy does make a good approach, she could look at her friend's face in front and gain her approval first, before accepting the guy to dance with them... Or so I can imagine.

If I'm smart enough to figure that out just from observation, then why can't I learn from it? I have to go for it - confident, positive, smiling and within 3 seconds. But I tell you lot, I am sick to death of hearing myself repeat this shit to myself! I am my own trainer and my own student, but both can't work together.

"On the floor, I'm a magnet behind a fucking brick wall!!"

I could say that I have built a high wall of pride, self respect and ego after a really tough childhood of bullying and taking more shit than people could deal. As a result, my psyche is preventing me to do anything that could take a hit to my wall. I could say that I'm a bit short, look too young, wish I had a better physic but I know that shit doesn't matter. I know that I will be the exact same pussy even if I were all those things.

I'm no mental case. I'm an AFC........ so SLAP ME!

[Rythm]

proximity. proximity. proximity.

when girls come over and stand/dance/sit/talk/anything near you its an IOI. not sure if you have read that part yet, i think it may be in there somewhere, but its been a while since ive read that.

anyway, if a set comes near you, they want to be opened.

Now, dont make dancing a crutch. you are cutting yourself off at the knees by depending on it. just know that its there to fall back on. Dancing is sex to a beat with clothes on in most cases tho so its perfect kino.

Listen to Cedar, If the girls are dancing and the music is loud, an opinion opener is pretty much useless. your goal when you are dancing is not to disco inferno into eternity, it is to remove the target from the dance floor.

also. chill the **** out. atleast you know when you are getting the creep face... i sarged with a guy who just didnt get it. Sure it makes people like you and me overanalyze some things, however, it also makes us a little more socially savvy because we can pick up on the vibes and calibrate.

if you have any random questions feel free to pm me, ill try to keep an eye on your posts too, the image of our names depend on it lol!

[Rhythm]

I have always thought that to myself but the sceptical side of me said, what if it's just a coincidence? Anyway i think it's just a case of balls! I will be working on this the next time I will go out, which will be..... tonight! great stuff.

So ok, we've established that I AM attracting girls on the dance floor and I need to just avoid speach if too loud and just dance for a bit. Maybe leave after a few mins to get a drink and signal an invite to her. But then what? Once I've taken the girl to a quieter area I could just be myself and ask the friendly, but AFC questions they all tend to hear and come up with some banter on the spot, but that's not the reason why I joined the community. I want results!! lol

I now need to know what to say, how to react, and the process of FMAC. I really am an amateur since I have only gone on a field mission once before but it was in a club, and without any openers or routines - I just talked.

I don't think there are any PUAs where I live so routines are not about to be repeated. I need some classic openers and routines to memorise to try and get a kick start in the right direction in terms of pickup!

I will try and find some online in time for tonight. But since you are reading this and it is before 8pm on thursday night, then please post some tried and tested routines for me to experiment with tonight.

Thanks guys!!