HB 9.5 I used to date gets back in touch. Advice please.

[PizzaLord]

Hmm tough one. Not only is this girl amazingly hot but we had some of the greatest times together. We got along just amazingly well when we dating.

Tons in common, lots of laughs, no arguments or drama.

Ok, here's the background.

Girl comes to live in my country on a 1 year visa. When we meet she has about 9 months left and we start dating and sleeping together as soon as we meet.

It started off as purely physical but got along so well that lots of feelings developed which I should not really have allowed bearing in mind that I knew her visa was going to run out and she was going to leave unless I marry her (Never gonna happen. I am not stupid).

As I know she is leaving, I also do not see the point of getting into a BF / GF situation with her (especially as this means I would have to blow off the other girls I am sleeping with at the time).

So basically she was free to see other people as was I. I just assumed that she did see other people (I know I did) but I did not ask about it. No problem, we got along so well I assumed we would date until she left.

Did not work out that way. She fell for one of the other guys she was seeing who turned out to be a jealous / possesive type and abusive with it.

However, she stuck with him and it destroyed what we had even though we tried to stay friends and this left me emotional screwed up for months afterwards.

Anyway, fast forward two years. I have not contacted her in the two years and she has not contacted me.

She starts emailing me just recently.

Since our last contact she did go home when her visa ran out. I have since moved to a different country a couple of hours from hers (Though thats not the reason for the move. I moved 6 moths ago and had no intention of contacting her again).

We both travel a lot and it turns out that we are probably both going to be in the same country at the same time pretty soon on business.

She wants to meet.

From her emails its clear that she still thinks about me a lot and has offered what seems like a genuine apology for acting like an idiot (her words, not mine).

She has also "casually" mentioned that she is single and has made it clear that I have an open invitation to come see her in her country.

What would you do ?

The way I have handled things so far is to tell her have no plans to visit her country but she can come to mine if she wants to see me.

Apart from that, if our travel plans naturally co-incide, I have indicated that I would meet her. To receive her apology if nothing else.

Minus points about this girl = Hurt me in the past

Plus points = Never lied to me or cheated on me. We were clear from the beginning that we were seeing other people which is more honestly than you will get from a lot of girls. Lots of great times together. Stunningly good looking. Lots in common. Great relationship when we were dating.

What do you think?

[Zig]

I think that you shouldn't make the same mistake twice and let her hurt you.
So if you do go. Go in without feeling. Completely. Don't let them develop
unless your willing to suffer again. DHV the whole time and play with her like a cat and a string. Give her just enough to hold her interest. Be cocky funny and make her work for you. Tease her about her bad decisions. Be a challenge.
With the distance deal...I would make her come see you and if you two hit it off then agree to go see her sometime. But don't become the cat. Be the guy pulling the string's.

[PizzaLord]

Thanks for the reply (I was wondering if anyone was ever gonna reply to this thread).

I have told her I am not gonna come see her and, if she wants to see me and if she is genuine in what she has said, she can come and see me.

I also told her if she does that, and that everything is fine with us then I *might* come and see her.

She says she wants to and looks like she has some vaction time in Sept so we will see.

[dionysian1]

I had this happen to me about 2 months ago. I was very excited at first, and then I thought about it. If you let her back into your life, how will that afect your relationship with other women? Will you slip back into your AFC mindset? Women of the past have the ability to make us drooling AFCs. Also, how will seeing her make you feel emotionally? Really think about this? How much were you hurt last time? I would say no to seeing her again. I am confident that you can find other women.

[PizzaLord]

Well this girl is bi and suggested in the past that we find another girl for a threesome so but, apart from that, it won't effect my relationships with other women.

No chance of slipping back to an AFC mindset. An AFC would have gone running to see her at the first invitation. I said "no but you can come and see me if you like".

[Jess_R]

Ya know, PizzaLord (shouldn't that have been pussyLord? he he) I had a really similar problem. Except that the girl was emotionally damaged from her dad who ended up pulling a gun on me. Anyway, I understand how girls can make you feel attatched, but I really do believe that people change, and it's important to enjoy what you can when you can, but that's about all you can do. So don't go out of your way. Don't sacrifice ANYTHING. Unless of corse, you do love her, and want to be with her. But the moment you make that decision in your mind, you are out of the game, and it takes effort to get back in. Especially after being in an LTR. Check out my post "how not to hurt them" I really need input on that!
Good luck bro.

JR

[Wonder Boy]

i had something similar happen to me when i was younger in my teens. i had been dating this girl for about and then i found out she cheated on me so i had to let her go. Thats one thing i wont drop.so i hadn't talk to to her for at least 2 years and then one day out of no where she called my we talked for a little while and then decide i would hangout with her. we hung out and all the memories of good times came back emotions. etc. we ended up getting back together i forgave her and what not. but we about a month and a half in and her mom died. she ended up moving back to her home country of panama.she said she would call but never did and a year after she called me and i talk to her for about 10 mins cause she was calling from panama and i have not heard from her since. i think u could give her a chance, but i wouldn't have a full blown relationship with her. u could just see her on business trips and what ever but u should definitely make her work for your time and attention like
just like zig said

[Finn]

Well you can't have it both ways. If you're going to have an open relationship then you risk the fact that she's going to end up with another guy. It's not like she really did anything wrong. As for being in the same country I really don't know what this entails cause she could still be many hours away even by plane am I right? I guess if your past friendship meant anything I don't see the harm in meeting her for a little while, enjoy each other's company and then leaving. Now just imagine if you don't and then you end up regretting it later on for whatever reason. Life is too short to be fretting over the small stuff.

[gbwb]

i think my perspective on relationships might be so warped from normality by now that im not sure i even understand what the problem is. if a girl wants to be your friend, let her. if you think emotional attachment might be something shes incapable of handling maturely, dont give it to her. if shell let you fuck her, and you want to, do it!

i think maybe the message your missing is that if your not trying to be her boyfriend, you wont hate her when she finds one. let her know she doesnt have to act strange, or stop being friends with you just because she found a man whos willing to commit to her--since thats not something you want to do. Offer to help her find her prince charming, and while shes looking, accept some multiple orgasms from you.

hope my perspective was useful