Sentinelrv
10-13-2008, 03:53 PM
If you have an inferiority complex, this post can help you. If you don't want to hear about my problems, then just skip the part about me and continue to the article I found.
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I originally posted this thread (http://www.venusianarts.com/forum/showthread.php?t=12227), in which I gave an analysis of myself, concluding that I've most likely been conditioned at an early age to feel fear and anxiety when confronted with doing something new. This fear and anxiety spawns from my future projected scenario of someone's hostile reaction toward me for failing in some way. In other words, I get extreme anxiety when I think somebody might yell at me for failing to do something the right way.
I've since come to realize that my problem may be more complex than I first realized. Growing up, I remember my mom saying the word inferiority complex a lot. I didn't know what it meant at the time, but for some reason I just thought of it while out taking a walk. When I came back home, I looked up the definition (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inferiority_complex) to the word and found that it perfectly described me, with the exception of physical defects and discrimination as causes. My dad always being negative with me when growing up was the cause I wrote about in my first article linked above, but this definition also clued me in on the second cause, which is a mental limitation. I have Attention Deficit Disorder, so I was brought up believing I was different than everyone else, that I was somehow inferior. After reading this definition, there's no doubt in my mind that I have an inferiority complex, and this is what I need to work on removing from my life.
Since I found my real problem now, I went searching for an answer on how to eliminate it. In the Yahoo search results, I came across something that mentioned Psycho-Cybernetics, which is a book I remember David DeAngelo mention, so I immediately clicked the link and read the article. Everything the article described was spot on for me, and I'm going to start doing what it recommends, as well as picking up Psycho-Cybernetics. For anyone else that has this problem, I've included the link to the article here (http://www.earthlingcommunication.com/blog/inferiority-complex-and-the-self-image.php), as well as the full text version below. I hope this helps you.
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Overcome Your Inferiority Complex by Improving Your Self Image:
Sally walks into a room full of high-flying executives. She scans the room with her eyes and sees the executives dressed in expensive suits, sipping champagne, and mingling amongst each other. As she enters the room, she can’t help but feel “different” to the executives.
She feels the executives are an entire class above her. Maybe it is the executives’ suits while she is just wearing a basic top and skirt that is making her feel “below standard”. Maybe she has this strange difference because she doesn’t know the executives very well and she feels socializing with them is therefore difficult. Or maybe she has what is known as the inferiority complex.
In 1912, a psychologist by the name of Alfred Alder wrote a book titled The Neurotic Character. His research in this book founded a popular area of psychology known as the inferiority complex which is a term used to describe a sense of inferiority an individual feels about oneself towards other people. It revolves around social status, power, ego, and dominance. You will have an inferiority complex when you feel inferior and think that other people are better than you.
Sally in our example is likely to feel inferior if she thinks the executives are better than she is. Her inferiority has nothing to do with not knowing the executives or being different. Dressing differently, not knowing anyone while everyone else knows each other, and having a less prestigious job doesn’t mean she is inferior. Rather, her interpretation of this situation that makes her feel “below standard” creates her inferiority.
An inferiority complex can arise when you experience an imagined or conditioned feeling of inferiority. As is the case for most people, it is a combination of imagination and subtle conditioning. You would feel inferior when an event takes place which makes you feel less than others (conditioning aspect) and your creative imagination (imagination aspect) would “blow out” your understanding of the event beyond what would seem reasonable to another person.
The conditioning aspect in Sally’s example is her actually being different to the executives. She is not wearing the same clothes as the executives nor is she “a part of the group”. The imagination aspect for Sally is her clothes are below their standards, the executives are better than her, the executives want nothing to do with her because of her difference, plus a lot of other possibilities she is likely to think. Let’s discuss the conditioning and creative imaginary aspects deeper.
Conditioning:
I would be completely lying and doing everyone a disfavor if I said, “The inferiority complex is all in the mind. Just stop thinking you’re inferior because you’re not.” If it were so simple, then billions of people would not experience feelings of inferiority sometime in their life. The inferiority complex is society’s psychological black plague, spreading and devouring lives.
My main motivation in writing this article was to provide an accurate source of information to overcome the problem based on what works. The information in this article is a collection of the most useful advice on the inferiority complex I’ve synthesized over the years along with specific lessons I’ve developed myself in overcoming my own inferiority complex; unlike personal development teachers I know of who solely emphasis positiveness in overcoming feelings of inferiority.
I did some brief browsing on the web to see what information was available on the inferiority complex, and most of the advice offered is harmful. “Experts” were telling people “things will get better”, “be more positive”, or “it’s not so bad”. If you have the inferiority complex and someone says similar things to you, then you’ll understand the massive frustration caused from the misunderstanding when someone gives you such poor advice.
Positive thinking can be nicely understood through an analogy in a Bible verse. In Luke chapter 5 (NKJV), Jesus was talking to some Pharisees who were complaining. Jesus replied to them in a parable so that they would be more likely to understand:
“No one puts a piece from a new garment on an old one otherwise the new makes a tear, and also the piece that was taken out of the new does not match the old. And no one puts new wine into old wineskins; or else the new wine will burst the wineskins and be spilled, and the wineskins will be ruined.”
The garment and the wineskins examples are what positive thinking does to our self-image. A new patch over the bad garment improves the garment a little bit yet it is still its same old self. If new wine (positive thinking) is poured into old wineskins (your poor self-image of feeling inferior), then nothing good will result. It is a battle of willpower and what is known as creative imagination.
Positive thinking can slightly improve the situation, but in the end it usually results in frustration as our willpower becomes exhausted. Whenever there is a fight between willpower and creative imagination, creative imagination will be the victor. I repeat for emphasis, your creative imagination, which consists of images and feelings, will always conquer your willpower.
From personal experience and coaching others, I know first hand that a better self-image where you do not feel inferior cannot be achieved through positive self-talk, affirmations, and the like. Unfortunately, thousands of people have taught and continue to teach that using positive self-talk will overcome your problems. Positive self-talk is often nothing more than an attempt to live deliriously from reality and ignore what is really taking place.
In chapters 2 and 14 of my Communication Secrets of Making People Like You program, I discuss these issues in depth. We are conditioned by society to believe that being positive during our own problems and when comforting others is a good thing. Nothing could be further from the truth. As a side note, if you are interested in becoming a strong pillar in someone’s life where you are able to emotionally support people, gain their respect, friendship, and remain stable, composed, and poised without feeling depressed or insane, then I highly recommend you get my program here.
The primary factors of the conditioning aspect that determines whether you become inferior, or rise above the circumstance, is your attitude towards criticism and failure. Don’t forget that there is the creative imagination aspect, which is a more powerful influence towards feeling inferior; yet criticism and failure are the most powerful influences towards the conditioning component.
Criticism and failure will always be banging at your door to success. Unfortunately, most of us let the two burglars get a foot hold within our lives and let them steal what mental goods we possess. Criticism compounds criticism and failure demotivates you resulting in more failure. We will always do things that are inferior to what other people can do. The trick is to stop associating yourself with your actions.
Inferiority arises when doing becomes being. Actions of inferiority, when you associate what you do with yourself, becomes actions of being. For example, getting poor results at school makes you think you’re dumb. You become dumb, and feel inferior, because of your action of getting poor results. A guy who gets poor results at school and doesn’t feel inferior, dissociates himself with the result. He doesn’t let his lack of study and effort over the past weeks make him feel that he is the result he obtained.
You will never be able to eliminate criticism or failure. The conditioning aspect of inferiority will always exist. Therefore, to overcome the inferiority complex you cannot expect yourself to avoid failure, dodge criticism, or have all your humanly characteristics as being better than average. Overcoming the conditioning aspect of the inferiority complex is a matter of learning and moving on while maintaining a goal-focused attitude. Again, you need to learn and move on from criticism and your failures.
I have found that as more people hear and read my newsletter (Earthling Transmission) and articles that I openly provide, the more criticism I receive. I get excited with this and energized because I know the criticism is a sign of achievement (I am sober as I type this ). People will rarely unanimously agree on one thing. We live in conflict.
You and I will always have our critics provided we are not mediocre. Anyone who has achieved anything notable sooner or later receives harsh criticism. Should you desire to no longer be criticized, go find a dark corner where you can hide and be a nobody. Aristotle, the great Greek philosopher, said “Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.”
When you feel criticism is a signal of your unworthiness then it begins to stimulate inferiority, shame, and failure. Don’t take criticism personally and think you are a failure. Justly deserved criticism needs to be used as feedback to adjust your course of action as it guides you back on the path of not feeling inferior.
People criticize you in an attempt to improve your life, release their frustration, or because they have their own problems. Feelings of inferiority, like criticism, can be used as a signal to grow and develop yourself. Sometimes you can take the criticism as a sign of you progressing forward in life. I am certain that if I hadn’t experienced feelings of inferiority in areas throughout my life that I wouldn’t have bothered to work on myself and personally grow. No way would I be writing this large, powerful article here today. As a matter of fact, I’m 100% I would not be teaching any communication skills.
Okay, so what factors affect a person’s harsh words? The impact of criticism is determined by the power of the sender, intensity, and frequency. These three factors are not limited to criticism. I’d say just about all positive and negative messages’ impact is determined by these three factors.
If you are passionate about boxing and Muhammad Ali told you how hopeless you are at boxing, then his power will intensify the criticism. In addition, if his criticism was delivered in an intense outburst, then the criticism would have a bigger impact on you feeling inferior as a boxer. Lastly, if he also constantly reminded you how hopeless you are at boxing, this would stimulate further inferiority.
We all have been criticized. Some people suffer while other’s flourish and experience great levels of confidence, success, happiness, and intimate relationships. Why is this and what can you do to overcome your inferiority complex?
Think of a time when the power of the sender, intensity of the criticism, and the frequency you were criticized made you feel inferior. If you can and I suggest you do, make your selected memory one related to your current feelings of inferiority. If you are a shy person then perhaps think of a time when someone told you to stop talking because you have nothing good to say.
Once you have come up with one or several memories, ask yourself these questions:
What were you thinking when the person made you feel inferior?
What emotions did you experience?
What self-talk followed the person’s negative feedback?
How long did these feelings and thoughts last?
How intense were these feelings and thoughts?
After answering these questions, if you reacted poorly to the negative feedback given to you in these situations, you should now be more aware of how your feeling of inferiority developed. This is big. If you have the inferiority complex or know someone with it, I hope you’re getting excited about this insight.
The powerful lesson we can learn from this is that people’s criticism and other types of negative feedback has no power over you. It isn’t the events that make you inferior; it is your reaction to the events. It is the thoughts and feelings you experience after the event that determine whether your inferiority grows or dies. The conditioning aspect of inferiority partly manifests through the criticism of others, if we let it, yet our reaction to the event usually determines who we become.
Referring back to the three components (power of sender, intensity, and frequency) which shape us, if you severely beat your emotional self up and frequently do it (for self-talk, I say the power of the sender factor varies depending how strong your self-image is in the specific area you are criticizing yourself over), then the self-criticism will have a bigger impact on your inferiority.
You condition yourself to feel inferior through self-criticism. You become your own worst enemy. Your “self” gets smacked by your thoughts and self-talk. The failures become a part of who you are. You are unable to disassociate events and experiences from your identity and so you begin to verbally bash your mind.
Once you’ve initiated the thoughts, the feelings begin to follow. You begin to feel inferior. You use your creative imagination poorly and begin to evoke images of failure, misery, shame, unworthiness, and low self-esteem. All these negative messages that you’ve come to accept over time mold your self-image and make you feel inferior. You eventually believe that you are in fact inferior.
Creative Imagination:
All animals have their own preprogramming that gives them a set of functions which enables them to survive. I’m amazed at the simple yet effective preprogramming that takes place in birds. When the season changes these amazing creatures can fly thousands of miles straight to a destination they have never been to before. In addition, birds build nests without ever having to attend “Nest Building 101” or taking a course in materials engineering.
Like animals, we are preprogrammed with a set of functions that enable us to survive from threats, allow us to gather food, and procreate. However, we have one huge difference within us. That is, we are goal-driven. Humans have the option to select their goals while animals do not have this ability. Animals are preprogrammed from birth to live a certain life. They survive and procreate. Humans are different. We can create goals and set out to achieve them with our creative imagination.
I honestly feel this to be the greatest part of all personal development. That is a huge statement and I stand by it. My creative imagination is something I get so excited about. It gives me the ability to literally become who I want to be. You will learn later on that your creative imagination is the key to altering your self-image. It is a key determinant in whether you achieve a goal or not like overcoming the inferiority complex.
Before I discuss more about the creative imagination, the creative imagination is not so much about coming up with ideas; though it is a wonderful technique to generate ideas. Your creative imagination gives you the ability to dream goals and visualize them so vividly that your nervous system cannot tell your visualizations are not reality. You can literally trick your entire body into thinking you are experiencing a realistic event when in fact you are just using your creative imagination.
Unfortunately, for many people they waste their creative imagination. It is as if they have a billion dollar check in their wallet and they do not cash it in at the bank. In fact, it is more like they have a billion dollar golden nugget they do not convert to cash and so they are burdened with the impossibility of getting through life by carrying it around. They let this great opportunity go to complete waste. Unless you awaken this inner giant, it will lay dormant, sleepy, lazily, and do nothing in your life. It is your inner giant that can create great happiness, success, and relationships – if you know how to use it.
The first common way your creative imagination is wasted is through aimless daydreaming and fantasizing. This is letting it go to complete waste. Your mind aimlessly wanders off into a fantasy that cannot be created or which you have no desire to experience.
The second common way your creative imagination is wasted is using it to create bad events in your life. This is where the inferiority complex is derived. People unknowingly use their creative imagination to create their inferiority complex. They create scenarios and thoughts of inferiority from their imagination. They imagine rejection, failure, criticism, shame, hatred, scarcity, and loneliness; instead of acceptance, lessons, love, abundance, and togetherness. There is a huge difference here in the parallels of thinking.
It is the images you evoke like failure, unworthiness, and shame that wastefully use your creative imagination to bring further bad events into your life. If you experience fear, anxiety, or worry about what other people think of you, then you are making this common mistake and wasting your creative imagination.
Napoleon Complex:
A part of Alfred Alder’s work of the inferiority complex developed the Napoleon complex which is a specific feeling of inferiority about one’s height. Alfred Alder was said to have named the Napoleon complex after the great military leader Napoleon Bonaparte who was driven from his insecurities of being short.
People with a Napoleon complex “make up” for their inferiority through aggressive behaviors. They have a superficial layer of toughness. On the outside they overcompensate for their insecurity. In terms of height, they feel handicapped because of their smaller stature and attempt to “make-up” for this perceived problem through aggressive behavior. A smaller stature is not necessarily a true handicap as it just a perceived handicap where the individual uses one’s creative imagination to feel inferior.
Diagnosing this type of inferiority within you lies in having overcompensating behavior because of perceived inferiority. You would have the Napoleon complex and demonstrate overcompensating behavior when you aim to put-down others who are taller than you. You would have that little extra desire to do better than those who are taller than you. You would try and make taller people look bad. The worst possible symptom of this feeling of inferiority is physically hurting taller people because of their stature. This specific Napoleon complex is derived from one’s personal feeling of inferiority and fear that taller people are better than you.
I know the Napoleon complex is a common and more general term used outside of physical height where the individual overcompensates for a perceived handicap. Most of us do have a tendency to be controlling and aggressive beyond the many possibilities of height differences. All of us have our own and often strange reasons for feeling inferior that we dare not share with anyone else.
A common example where overcompensating behaviors take place are when someone feels threatened by an attractive person. A woman would have the Napoleon complex when she feels threatened purely from an attractive lady’s looks. Because women are very competitive in the dating world, if they feel inferior to a more attractive lady they will overcompensate for this by criticizing, teasing, and displaying other insecure behaviors relating to the attractive lady’s looks.
The shallow woman tries to be better than other women. She may also try to make herself feel better by putting-down other women who are less attractive than she is or who lack other qualities that she has. This is all the bitchy behavior where women try not to feel inferior because they are less attractive than the “superior” lady. If you have a need to “pull” other people down, then you are suffering from inferiority.
Both women and men who subtly communicate these insecurities instantly become less attractive. I find it very annoying, depressing, and irritating to have someone next to me whose feeling of inferiority is temporarily made better by criticizing another person.
So let me ask you this. What is your attitude towards people who are better than you in certain areas of your life? How do you feel towards people who are more attractive than you? How do you feel towards people who are your superiors at work? Do you feel inferior to them? Do you feel they are better than you? Do you need to “pull” them down from their podium by criticizing? Or do you become inspired, excited, and thrilled to see their successes?
I hope you have very deeply thought about and answered each one of those questions. If you rushed through the questions, go back and take your time to think and relive relevant experiences. Think deeply about it!
I often see unsuccessful, unhappy, and miserable people criticizing others who are more happy and successful. It is disgusting to see this happen. The criticizers are no better or inferior than those they are criticizing. A young person achieves a goal at a much younger age than a miserable older person who criticizes how “bad”, “wrong”, and “mistaken” the young achiever is. It is absolutely disgusting to see someone attempt to pull another person down because of personal insecurities.
A great test to see how secure and confident a person is can be conducted by complimenting a person who is more successful than your “test subject” in an area you feel they may act inferior. For example, if I wanted to see how confident a lady is about her looks, I could compliment a more attractive lady on how her hair brings out her positive features. If the lady is insecure, she would likely find something wrong with the lady and follow up my comments with something like “… but look at her shoes. Ugh. She’s got no fashion sense.” Not an attractive quality to have at all.
Cultural Cringe:
The cultural cringe is an interesting area of the inferiority complex where people feel inferior due to their culture. It could be because of genetic appearance, pronunciation of words, or other areas of the human body that vary between cultures. I believe this to be common in middle eastern countries where terrorist activities have hurt how other countries perceive these cultures. These middle easterners are likely to experience the cultural cringe because they feel inferior due to someone like their own – Osama Bin Laden – being associated with their culture.
A few days ago I came across a lady who was experiencing the cultural cringe about her physical form. She was saying how much she wished she could look like an Asian lady. She complained about the features of her body being different and unusual. She hated her self-image and loved how others in Asian cultures looked. Her idea that other cultures are better than hers made her feel inferior.
These feelings of inferiority hurt you by damaging how you communicate with yourself and others. You will hate certain people, cultures, situations, and events because of the cultural cringe. Your subconscious will be so poisoned with imaginary beliefs that are powerful enough to destroy your happiness, relationships, and overall success in life.
Superiority Complex:
The superiority complex is a feeling of superiority over other people. Back to the scenario where Sally is in a room full of successful executives, if Sally had a superiority complex or attempted to feel superior, then she would criticize the executives to “pull-down” their status in an effort to make herself feel better. Another form of the superiority complex is demonstrated when Sally could try to “lift” her status by portraying how better she is than the executives. Both of these poor techniques in “overcoming” the inferiority complex attempt to lift her status but fail to do so. Let me explain.
A common technique people use to “overcome” their inferiority complex is to make themselves feel superior. I frequently thought this was the solution to overcoming feelings of inferiority and still, ashamedly, catch myself trying to feel superior. I think you will never completely remove thoughts of inferiority. You just need to develop a positive self image and keep a negative self-image that tries to enter your life at bay. It would be humanly impossible otherwise.
People attempt and fail to overcome feelings of inferiority by becoming superior. They “overcome” inferior feelings by making themselves feel better than other people. Many people do not understand that this solution is a temporary patch on a large wound. It takes most people an experience of significance superiority (such as achieving a desired goal you felt inferior about like earning a million dollars or being popular with the opposite sex) to realize that they still feel inferior.
Let’s face it, I think we have all fallen into the same trap. We think that to overcome our feeling of inferiority we must feel superior. This ultimately only leads to more frustration and inferiority. I can guarantee you this. If you must feel superior than you are still comparing yourself to the false measuring stick you used to judge yourself when you were inferior.
Once you perceive yourself to be superior, you will be constantly searching for validation from other people to prove to yourself that you are still superior. You will likely be a person who thrives off attention and perhaps are someone who is needy. If you are put out of place by being ignored and made to feel less superior, you will attempt to grab back your “non-existent podium” of superiority by criticizing others and using behaviors to lift your own status.
If a person’s need to compete against another is driven from the person’s insecurity to feel superior, does a superiority complex actually exist? I think it does exist but an inferiority complex can be used to explain someone with a superiority complex.
(Continued on next post)
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I originally posted this thread (http://www.venusianarts.com/forum/showthread.php?t=12227), in which I gave an analysis of myself, concluding that I've most likely been conditioned at an early age to feel fear and anxiety when confronted with doing something new. This fear and anxiety spawns from my future projected scenario of someone's hostile reaction toward me for failing in some way. In other words, I get extreme anxiety when I think somebody might yell at me for failing to do something the right way.
I've since come to realize that my problem may be more complex than I first realized. Growing up, I remember my mom saying the word inferiority complex a lot. I didn't know what it meant at the time, but for some reason I just thought of it while out taking a walk. When I came back home, I looked up the definition (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inferiority_complex) to the word and found that it perfectly described me, with the exception of physical defects and discrimination as causes. My dad always being negative with me when growing up was the cause I wrote about in my first article linked above, but this definition also clued me in on the second cause, which is a mental limitation. I have Attention Deficit Disorder, so I was brought up believing I was different than everyone else, that I was somehow inferior. After reading this definition, there's no doubt in my mind that I have an inferiority complex, and this is what I need to work on removing from my life.
Since I found my real problem now, I went searching for an answer on how to eliminate it. In the Yahoo search results, I came across something that mentioned Psycho-Cybernetics, which is a book I remember David DeAngelo mention, so I immediately clicked the link and read the article. Everything the article described was spot on for me, and I'm going to start doing what it recommends, as well as picking up Psycho-Cybernetics. For anyone else that has this problem, I've included the link to the article here (http://www.earthlingcommunication.com/blog/inferiority-complex-and-the-self-image.php), as well as the full text version below. I hope this helps you.
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Overcome Your Inferiority Complex by Improving Your Self Image:
Sally walks into a room full of high-flying executives. She scans the room with her eyes and sees the executives dressed in expensive suits, sipping champagne, and mingling amongst each other. As she enters the room, she can’t help but feel “different” to the executives.
She feels the executives are an entire class above her. Maybe it is the executives’ suits while she is just wearing a basic top and skirt that is making her feel “below standard”. Maybe she has this strange difference because she doesn’t know the executives very well and she feels socializing with them is therefore difficult. Or maybe she has what is known as the inferiority complex.
In 1912, a psychologist by the name of Alfred Alder wrote a book titled The Neurotic Character. His research in this book founded a popular area of psychology known as the inferiority complex which is a term used to describe a sense of inferiority an individual feels about oneself towards other people. It revolves around social status, power, ego, and dominance. You will have an inferiority complex when you feel inferior and think that other people are better than you.
Sally in our example is likely to feel inferior if she thinks the executives are better than she is. Her inferiority has nothing to do with not knowing the executives or being different. Dressing differently, not knowing anyone while everyone else knows each other, and having a less prestigious job doesn’t mean she is inferior. Rather, her interpretation of this situation that makes her feel “below standard” creates her inferiority.
An inferiority complex can arise when you experience an imagined or conditioned feeling of inferiority. As is the case for most people, it is a combination of imagination and subtle conditioning. You would feel inferior when an event takes place which makes you feel less than others (conditioning aspect) and your creative imagination (imagination aspect) would “blow out” your understanding of the event beyond what would seem reasonable to another person.
The conditioning aspect in Sally’s example is her actually being different to the executives. She is not wearing the same clothes as the executives nor is she “a part of the group”. The imagination aspect for Sally is her clothes are below their standards, the executives are better than her, the executives want nothing to do with her because of her difference, plus a lot of other possibilities she is likely to think. Let’s discuss the conditioning and creative imaginary aspects deeper.
Conditioning:
I would be completely lying and doing everyone a disfavor if I said, “The inferiority complex is all in the mind. Just stop thinking you’re inferior because you’re not.” If it were so simple, then billions of people would not experience feelings of inferiority sometime in their life. The inferiority complex is society’s psychological black plague, spreading and devouring lives.
My main motivation in writing this article was to provide an accurate source of information to overcome the problem based on what works. The information in this article is a collection of the most useful advice on the inferiority complex I’ve synthesized over the years along with specific lessons I’ve developed myself in overcoming my own inferiority complex; unlike personal development teachers I know of who solely emphasis positiveness in overcoming feelings of inferiority.
I did some brief browsing on the web to see what information was available on the inferiority complex, and most of the advice offered is harmful. “Experts” were telling people “things will get better”, “be more positive”, or “it’s not so bad”. If you have the inferiority complex and someone says similar things to you, then you’ll understand the massive frustration caused from the misunderstanding when someone gives you such poor advice.
Positive thinking can be nicely understood through an analogy in a Bible verse. In Luke chapter 5 (NKJV), Jesus was talking to some Pharisees who were complaining. Jesus replied to them in a parable so that they would be more likely to understand:
“No one puts a piece from a new garment on an old one otherwise the new makes a tear, and also the piece that was taken out of the new does not match the old. And no one puts new wine into old wineskins; or else the new wine will burst the wineskins and be spilled, and the wineskins will be ruined.”
The garment and the wineskins examples are what positive thinking does to our self-image. A new patch over the bad garment improves the garment a little bit yet it is still its same old self. If new wine (positive thinking) is poured into old wineskins (your poor self-image of feeling inferior), then nothing good will result. It is a battle of willpower and what is known as creative imagination.
Positive thinking can slightly improve the situation, but in the end it usually results in frustration as our willpower becomes exhausted. Whenever there is a fight between willpower and creative imagination, creative imagination will be the victor. I repeat for emphasis, your creative imagination, which consists of images and feelings, will always conquer your willpower.
From personal experience and coaching others, I know first hand that a better self-image where you do not feel inferior cannot be achieved through positive self-talk, affirmations, and the like. Unfortunately, thousands of people have taught and continue to teach that using positive self-talk will overcome your problems. Positive self-talk is often nothing more than an attempt to live deliriously from reality and ignore what is really taking place.
In chapters 2 and 14 of my Communication Secrets of Making People Like You program, I discuss these issues in depth. We are conditioned by society to believe that being positive during our own problems and when comforting others is a good thing. Nothing could be further from the truth. As a side note, if you are interested in becoming a strong pillar in someone’s life where you are able to emotionally support people, gain their respect, friendship, and remain stable, composed, and poised without feeling depressed or insane, then I highly recommend you get my program here.
The primary factors of the conditioning aspect that determines whether you become inferior, or rise above the circumstance, is your attitude towards criticism and failure. Don’t forget that there is the creative imagination aspect, which is a more powerful influence towards feeling inferior; yet criticism and failure are the most powerful influences towards the conditioning component.
Criticism and failure will always be banging at your door to success. Unfortunately, most of us let the two burglars get a foot hold within our lives and let them steal what mental goods we possess. Criticism compounds criticism and failure demotivates you resulting in more failure. We will always do things that are inferior to what other people can do. The trick is to stop associating yourself with your actions.
Inferiority arises when doing becomes being. Actions of inferiority, when you associate what you do with yourself, becomes actions of being. For example, getting poor results at school makes you think you’re dumb. You become dumb, and feel inferior, because of your action of getting poor results. A guy who gets poor results at school and doesn’t feel inferior, dissociates himself with the result. He doesn’t let his lack of study and effort over the past weeks make him feel that he is the result he obtained.
You will never be able to eliminate criticism or failure. The conditioning aspect of inferiority will always exist. Therefore, to overcome the inferiority complex you cannot expect yourself to avoid failure, dodge criticism, or have all your humanly characteristics as being better than average. Overcoming the conditioning aspect of the inferiority complex is a matter of learning and moving on while maintaining a goal-focused attitude. Again, you need to learn and move on from criticism and your failures.
I have found that as more people hear and read my newsletter (Earthling Transmission) and articles that I openly provide, the more criticism I receive. I get excited with this and energized because I know the criticism is a sign of achievement (I am sober as I type this ). People will rarely unanimously agree on one thing. We live in conflict.
You and I will always have our critics provided we are not mediocre. Anyone who has achieved anything notable sooner or later receives harsh criticism. Should you desire to no longer be criticized, go find a dark corner where you can hide and be a nobody. Aristotle, the great Greek philosopher, said “Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.”
When you feel criticism is a signal of your unworthiness then it begins to stimulate inferiority, shame, and failure. Don’t take criticism personally and think you are a failure. Justly deserved criticism needs to be used as feedback to adjust your course of action as it guides you back on the path of not feeling inferior.
People criticize you in an attempt to improve your life, release their frustration, or because they have their own problems. Feelings of inferiority, like criticism, can be used as a signal to grow and develop yourself. Sometimes you can take the criticism as a sign of you progressing forward in life. I am certain that if I hadn’t experienced feelings of inferiority in areas throughout my life that I wouldn’t have bothered to work on myself and personally grow. No way would I be writing this large, powerful article here today. As a matter of fact, I’m 100% I would not be teaching any communication skills.
Okay, so what factors affect a person’s harsh words? The impact of criticism is determined by the power of the sender, intensity, and frequency. These three factors are not limited to criticism. I’d say just about all positive and negative messages’ impact is determined by these three factors.
If you are passionate about boxing and Muhammad Ali told you how hopeless you are at boxing, then his power will intensify the criticism. In addition, if his criticism was delivered in an intense outburst, then the criticism would have a bigger impact on you feeling inferior as a boxer. Lastly, if he also constantly reminded you how hopeless you are at boxing, this would stimulate further inferiority.
We all have been criticized. Some people suffer while other’s flourish and experience great levels of confidence, success, happiness, and intimate relationships. Why is this and what can you do to overcome your inferiority complex?
Think of a time when the power of the sender, intensity of the criticism, and the frequency you were criticized made you feel inferior. If you can and I suggest you do, make your selected memory one related to your current feelings of inferiority. If you are a shy person then perhaps think of a time when someone told you to stop talking because you have nothing good to say.
Once you have come up with one or several memories, ask yourself these questions:
What were you thinking when the person made you feel inferior?
What emotions did you experience?
What self-talk followed the person’s negative feedback?
How long did these feelings and thoughts last?
How intense were these feelings and thoughts?
After answering these questions, if you reacted poorly to the negative feedback given to you in these situations, you should now be more aware of how your feeling of inferiority developed. This is big. If you have the inferiority complex or know someone with it, I hope you’re getting excited about this insight.
The powerful lesson we can learn from this is that people’s criticism and other types of negative feedback has no power over you. It isn’t the events that make you inferior; it is your reaction to the events. It is the thoughts and feelings you experience after the event that determine whether your inferiority grows or dies. The conditioning aspect of inferiority partly manifests through the criticism of others, if we let it, yet our reaction to the event usually determines who we become.
Referring back to the three components (power of sender, intensity, and frequency) which shape us, if you severely beat your emotional self up and frequently do it (for self-talk, I say the power of the sender factor varies depending how strong your self-image is in the specific area you are criticizing yourself over), then the self-criticism will have a bigger impact on your inferiority.
You condition yourself to feel inferior through self-criticism. You become your own worst enemy. Your “self” gets smacked by your thoughts and self-talk. The failures become a part of who you are. You are unable to disassociate events and experiences from your identity and so you begin to verbally bash your mind.
Once you’ve initiated the thoughts, the feelings begin to follow. You begin to feel inferior. You use your creative imagination poorly and begin to evoke images of failure, misery, shame, unworthiness, and low self-esteem. All these negative messages that you’ve come to accept over time mold your self-image and make you feel inferior. You eventually believe that you are in fact inferior.
Creative Imagination:
All animals have their own preprogramming that gives them a set of functions which enables them to survive. I’m amazed at the simple yet effective preprogramming that takes place in birds. When the season changes these amazing creatures can fly thousands of miles straight to a destination they have never been to before. In addition, birds build nests without ever having to attend “Nest Building 101” or taking a course in materials engineering.
Like animals, we are preprogrammed with a set of functions that enable us to survive from threats, allow us to gather food, and procreate. However, we have one huge difference within us. That is, we are goal-driven. Humans have the option to select their goals while animals do not have this ability. Animals are preprogrammed from birth to live a certain life. They survive and procreate. Humans are different. We can create goals and set out to achieve them with our creative imagination.
I honestly feel this to be the greatest part of all personal development. That is a huge statement and I stand by it. My creative imagination is something I get so excited about. It gives me the ability to literally become who I want to be. You will learn later on that your creative imagination is the key to altering your self-image. It is a key determinant in whether you achieve a goal or not like overcoming the inferiority complex.
Before I discuss more about the creative imagination, the creative imagination is not so much about coming up with ideas; though it is a wonderful technique to generate ideas. Your creative imagination gives you the ability to dream goals and visualize them so vividly that your nervous system cannot tell your visualizations are not reality. You can literally trick your entire body into thinking you are experiencing a realistic event when in fact you are just using your creative imagination.
Unfortunately, for many people they waste their creative imagination. It is as if they have a billion dollar check in their wallet and they do not cash it in at the bank. In fact, it is more like they have a billion dollar golden nugget they do not convert to cash and so they are burdened with the impossibility of getting through life by carrying it around. They let this great opportunity go to complete waste. Unless you awaken this inner giant, it will lay dormant, sleepy, lazily, and do nothing in your life. It is your inner giant that can create great happiness, success, and relationships – if you know how to use it.
The first common way your creative imagination is wasted is through aimless daydreaming and fantasizing. This is letting it go to complete waste. Your mind aimlessly wanders off into a fantasy that cannot be created or which you have no desire to experience.
The second common way your creative imagination is wasted is using it to create bad events in your life. This is where the inferiority complex is derived. People unknowingly use their creative imagination to create their inferiority complex. They create scenarios and thoughts of inferiority from their imagination. They imagine rejection, failure, criticism, shame, hatred, scarcity, and loneliness; instead of acceptance, lessons, love, abundance, and togetherness. There is a huge difference here in the parallels of thinking.
It is the images you evoke like failure, unworthiness, and shame that wastefully use your creative imagination to bring further bad events into your life. If you experience fear, anxiety, or worry about what other people think of you, then you are making this common mistake and wasting your creative imagination.
Napoleon Complex:
A part of Alfred Alder’s work of the inferiority complex developed the Napoleon complex which is a specific feeling of inferiority about one’s height. Alfred Alder was said to have named the Napoleon complex after the great military leader Napoleon Bonaparte who was driven from his insecurities of being short.
People with a Napoleon complex “make up” for their inferiority through aggressive behaviors. They have a superficial layer of toughness. On the outside they overcompensate for their insecurity. In terms of height, they feel handicapped because of their smaller stature and attempt to “make-up” for this perceived problem through aggressive behavior. A smaller stature is not necessarily a true handicap as it just a perceived handicap where the individual uses one’s creative imagination to feel inferior.
Diagnosing this type of inferiority within you lies in having overcompensating behavior because of perceived inferiority. You would have the Napoleon complex and demonstrate overcompensating behavior when you aim to put-down others who are taller than you. You would have that little extra desire to do better than those who are taller than you. You would try and make taller people look bad. The worst possible symptom of this feeling of inferiority is physically hurting taller people because of their stature. This specific Napoleon complex is derived from one’s personal feeling of inferiority and fear that taller people are better than you.
I know the Napoleon complex is a common and more general term used outside of physical height where the individual overcompensates for a perceived handicap. Most of us do have a tendency to be controlling and aggressive beyond the many possibilities of height differences. All of us have our own and often strange reasons for feeling inferior that we dare not share with anyone else.
A common example where overcompensating behaviors take place are when someone feels threatened by an attractive person. A woman would have the Napoleon complex when she feels threatened purely from an attractive lady’s looks. Because women are very competitive in the dating world, if they feel inferior to a more attractive lady they will overcompensate for this by criticizing, teasing, and displaying other insecure behaviors relating to the attractive lady’s looks.
The shallow woman tries to be better than other women. She may also try to make herself feel better by putting-down other women who are less attractive than she is or who lack other qualities that she has. This is all the bitchy behavior where women try not to feel inferior because they are less attractive than the “superior” lady. If you have a need to “pull” other people down, then you are suffering from inferiority.
Both women and men who subtly communicate these insecurities instantly become less attractive. I find it very annoying, depressing, and irritating to have someone next to me whose feeling of inferiority is temporarily made better by criticizing another person.
So let me ask you this. What is your attitude towards people who are better than you in certain areas of your life? How do you feel towards people who are more attractive than you? How do you feel towards people who are your superiors at work? Do you feel inferior to them? Do you feel they are better than you? Do you need to “pull” them down from their podium by criticizing? Or do you become inspired, excited, and thrilled to see their successes?
I hope you have very deeply thought about and answered each one of those questions. If you rushed through the questions, go back and take your time to think and relive relevant experiences. Think deeply about it!
I often see unsuccessful, unhappy, and miserable people criticizing others who are more happy and successful. It is disgusting to see this happen. The criticizers are no better or inferior than those they are criticizing. A young person achieves a goal at a much younger age than a miserable older person who criticizes how “bad”, “wrong”, and “mistaken” the young achiever is. It is absolutely disgusting to see someone attempt to pull another person down because of personal insecurities.
A great test to see how secure and confident a person is can be conducted by complimenting a person who is more successful than your “test subject” in an area you feel they may act inferior. For example, if I wanted to see how confident a lady is about her looks, I could compliment a more attractive lady on how her hair brings out her positive features. If the lady is insecure, she would likely find something wrong with the lady and follow up my comments with something like “… but look at her shoes. Ugh. She’s got no fashion sense.” Not an attractive quality to have at all.
Cultural Cringe:
The cultural cringe is an interesting area of the inferiority complex where people feel inferior due to their culture. It could be because of genetic appearance, pronunciation of words, or other areas of the human body that vary between cultures. I believe this to be common in middle eastern countries where terrorist activities have hurt how other countries perceive these cultures. These middle easterners are likely to experience the cultural cringe because they feel inferior due to someone like their own – Osama Bin Laden – being associated with their culture.
A few days ago I came across a lady who was experiencing the cultural cringe about her physical form. She was saying how much she wished she could look like an Asian lady. She complained about the features of her body being different and unusual. She hated her self-image and loved how others in Asian cultures looked. Her idea that other cultures are better than hers made her feel inferior.
These feelings of inferiority hurt you by damaging how you communicate with yourself and others. You will hate certain people, cultures, situations, and events because of the cultural cringe. Your subconscious will be so poisoned with imaginary beliefs that are powerful enough to destroy your happiness, relationships, and overall success in life.
Superiority Complex:
The superiority complex is a feeling of superiority over other people. Back to the scenario where Sally is in a room full of successful executives, if Sally had a superiority complex or attempted to feel superior, then she would criticize the executives to “pull-down” their status in an effort to make herself feel better. Another form of the superiority complex is demonstrated when Sally could try to “lift” her status by portraying how better she is than the executives. Both of these poor techniques in “overcoming” the inferiority complex attempt to lift her status but fail to do so. Let me explain.
A common technique people use to “overcome” their inferiority complex is to make themselves feel superior. I frequently thought this was the solution to overcoming feelings of inferiority and still, ashamedly, catch myself trying to feel superior. I think you will never completely remove thoughts of inferiority. You just need to develop a positive self image and keep a negative self-image that tries to enter your life at bay. It would be humanly impossible otherwise.
People attempt and fail to overcome feelings of inferiority by becoming superior. They “overcome” inferior feelings by making themselves feel better than other people. Many people do not understand that this solution is a temporary patch on a large wound. It takes most people an experience of significance superiority (such as achieving a desired goal you felt inferior about like earning a million dollars or being popular with the opposite sex) to realize that they still feel inferior.
Let’s face it, I think we have all fallen into the same trap. We think that to overcome our feeling of inferiority we must feel superior. This ultimately only leads to more frustration and inferiority. I can guarantee you this. If you must feel superior than you are still comparing yourself to the false measuring stick you used to judge yourself when you were inferior.
Once you perceive yourself to be superior, you will be constantly searching for validation from other people to prove to yourself that you are still superior. You will likely be a person who thrives off attention and perhaps are someone who is needy. If you are put out of place by being ignored and made to feel less superior, you will attempt to grab back your “non-existent podium” of superiority by criticizing others and using behaviors to lift your own status.
If a person’s need to compete against another is driven from the person’s insecurity to feel superior, does a superiority complex actually exist? I think it does exist but an inferiority complex can be used to explain someone with a superiority complex.
(Continued on next post)