Need Advice on 2 Yr Old GF--what should i do.

[VerbalJudo]

Ok so here is the deal. I Dated a girl for two years. Theres a lot of things going against me now... but this girl and i were inseperable. We hung out all the time, we did things together. However, i saw pictures of her in a bikini at some guys apartment party. I flipped my lid ( should of kept my cool) However for the last 2 months weve been talking. She talks to me says she wants to fix things, but wont commit. Her friends dont like me(its not my fault) her parents threatned her if she dated me. I dont know if she likes the single life and likes having me around, but i threatened to walk out of her life and she broke down crying. I m now telling her to make a decision-- commit or im walking away. She gets upset-- but wont "commit" so ive been ignoring her and and then talking. The Hot Cold, and cutt off. Allowing her to feel a loss. However, im not sure what to do now. Theres a lot going against me. Im a senior in college so im in the world of Frats, and immature 18-22 year olds. She is 21. If you were me how would you handle this. I used to believe i knew how to handle women... i had them comming my way. But attachment is a bitch.

Shes met the mom, i opened up to her.... i need to restablish frame.. She called me insecure because my niceness was i guess needyness..its pathetic. But how else do i control the situation.

[Arctic]

Walk.Find another chick who wont pull head games like this.Take the opprotunity to see someone(s) new,then you will be in a better position to judge whether this chick is worth the trouble.

[CarltonBanks]

At 22 you got some of your best years coming up. Enjoy them, sharpen your game/income/fitness/whatever. If you must keep in touch, just say hi from a distance every once in a blue moon--if at all. Allow yourselves to forget each other for a while.

Tears dry. Dont derail a rational decision with an emotional reaction. Threatening to walk out is weak mind-game in itself. Just go.

[-Silver-]

Relationships are tough, and just telling you to 'not let your emotions get in the way' is a tall order. The girl likes you, that's obvious. You want a commited relationship, that's also obvious. So my advice would be to walk, telling her that if she wants you then she has to prove to you that she WILL be commited. The only other option is to agree to a non-commited relationship, something that you KNOW you'll hate.

Walk from her, and either you'll get her begging you to come back and promising a commited relationship (which hopefully she'll live up to), or you'll get to find a new girl who will be willing to commit to you. (plus it's a lot easier to practice your gaming while you're single :P)

Hope this helps buddy, emotions are a bitch.

-Silver-

[HUGE AL]

i saw pictures of her in a bikini at some guys apartment party. I flipped my lid ( should of kept my cool)

Yes, you should have. Showing jealousy projects a weak frame.

Her friends dont like me(its not my fault)

Many times it is. Trust me. This comes from a person who thought the exact same way.

her parents threatned her if she dated me.

Why is this?

Im a senior in college so im in the world of Frats, and immature 18-22 year olds. She is 21.

So if she's 21 and you're a senior, aren't you both in the same world? BTW, it's "fraternities." :)


All that said, being the bad boy may be the attraction...as is having everyone tell her NOT to date you. However, all that pressure can backfire. It's always much better to have everyone backing you than against you.

If you do really want this to work out, you (unfortunately) have to go with what you've got (read: done). Since you gave her the ultimatum, stick with it. You can't say you're going to walk, then call her in a week or so. That projects more neediness and confuses her more.

Hope that helps. Good luck.

[Affection]

2 year olds are too young to date...

~~Affection

[Stander]

Yes, you should have. Showing jealousy projects a weak frame.



Many times it is. Trust me. This comes from a person who thought the exact same way.



Why is this?



So if she's 21 and you're a senior, aren't you both in the same world? BTW, it's "fraternities." :)


All that said, being the bad boy may be the attraction...as is having everyone tell her NOT to date you. However, all that pressure can backfire. It's always much better to have everyone backing you than against you.

If you do really want this to work out, you (unfortunately) have to go with what you've got (read: done). Since you gave her the ultimatum, stick with it. You can't say you're going to walk, then call her in a week or so. That projects more neediness and confuses her more.

Hope that helps. Good luck.


Is it possible for him to "freeze her out" so to speak?

[HUGE AL]

Is it possible for him to "freeze her out" so to speak?

Not really. This is more of a sticking-to-what-you-say thing. Anything else would project a weak frame and show that he's chasing her...not the other way around...

[Stander]

Not really. This is more of a sticking-to-what-you-say thing. Anything else would project a weak frame and show that he's chasing her...not the other way around...

Thanks, I'm just learning this stuff!

[cc0marti]

Let's just say you are not going to walk. I may be reading too deep but it sounds like that isn't what you really want to do (even though it is probably what you should do.) First, you have to control you jealousy or it ain't going to work. Think "fish n the sea", "top ten things that you don't like about her", "deep breaths", and chuckle (to your self) about the looser guys she is trying to make you jealous with and how futile her attempts are. Force yourself to think this way.
Next, do fun things with your mutual friends while not directly inviting her but not directly not inviting her. When you are on stage (fun event) interact with everyone 95% and her only when she approaches you. She may never the first couple but don't break down and approach her. If the event involves drinking, drink less than you usually do. If you feel yourself getting jealous, wait till the jealous event was over for 1/2 hour and then jet because you have something early the next morning. Don't try to make her jeaslous because that will back fire. Your goal is to project independence, non-jealousy and that you can be social and have fun with her in the vicinity.
If she approaches to talk serious or to leave for a talk, redirect because your are in the middle of a convo with your buddy or whatever. If she is just shooting the s then that is fine but keep the convos going with others.
After you do this for a couple months (I know, sounds like too much work, but that is up to you and your goals) you will be well on your way to starting a new frame with her which is "Your relationship with her is now on your terms and you call the shots." Your behavior is the ultimatum and not your words (I find more effective). 1. She will find someone else and you wil stay friends which you have to accept and move on (previous threads). 2. You will get back with her with a new outlook. If she comes right out to say that she wants to get back together then state nicely that you've made some life changes and things will have to be different this time around. The rest is up to you to continue in this minds set. Tip: make 75% of the desicions in your new relationship even if you don't give a shit (guys suck at this because most of us don't care) Her: "What movie should we" You-"This one or maybe another time". Her: what type of ice cream" You-"This one or you can just have it (nicely). Her:my friends or yours You - "Mine or we can meet up later baby"

just some thoughts

[Stander]

Let's just say you are not going to walk. I may be reading too deep but it sounds like that isn't what you really want to do (even though it is probably what you should do.) First, you have to control you jealousy or it ain't going to work. Think "fish n the sea", "top ten things that you don't like about her", "deep breaths", and chuckle (to your self) about the looser guys she is trying to make you jealous with and how futile her attempts are. Force yourself to think this way.
Next, do fun things with your mutual friends while not directly inviting her but not directly not inviting her. When you are on stage (fun event) interact with everyone 95% and her only when she approaches you. She may never the first couple but don't break down and approach her. If the event involves drinking, drink less than you usually do. If you feel yourself getting jealous, wait till the jealous event was over for 1/2 hour and then jet because you have something early the next morning. Don't try to make her jeaslous because that will back fire. Your goal is to project independence, non-jealousy and that you can be social and have fun with her in the vicinity.
If she approaches to talk serious or to leave for a talk, redirect because your are in the middle of a convo with your buddy or whatever. If she is just shooting the s then that is fine but keep the convos going with others.
After you do this for a couple months (I know, sounds like too much work, but that is up to you and your goals) you will be well on your way to starting a new frame with her which is "Your relationship with her is now on your terms and you call the shots." Your behavior is the ultimatum and not your words (I find more effective). 1. She will find someone else and you wil stay friends which you have to accept and move on (previous threads). 2. You will get back with her with a new outlook. If she comes right out to say that she wants to get back together then state nicely that you've made some life changes and things will have to be different this time around. The rest is up to you to continue in this minds set. Tip: make 75% of the desicions in your new relationship even if you don't give a shit (guys suck at this because most of us don't care) Her: "What movie should we" You-"This one or maybe another time". Her: what type of ice cream" You-"This one or you can just have it (nicely). Her:my friends or yours You - "Mine or we can meet up later baby"

just some thoughts

I like the part about making 75% of the decisions. Thats having a strong frame as mystery would say and being a man as DeAngelo would.

[Metal_Slug]

ha, ive actually encoutered the same problem. see... im attached to my girl. 1 year and a half, but... you've got to realize that girls need their space. if you keep your girl inside a little box and get jelous and dont let her see your guy friends... then she WILL cheat on you. i bet she has already.

When she puts UP those pics of her in her bikini... just fucking ignore it. or just say "oh babe u look cute in that bikini... the things id do to you... "
etc. in her head she has to be like "WTF... doesnt he care im around those guys?" she is SHIT testing you

a more genuine way to NOT care.... easy... 3 words.
FUCK-OTHER-WOMEN. that way.. u KNOW you have options, you KNOW you can move on when ever and you'll always have dates around so you wont be all needy towards her.
trust me... when your getting laid like a rockstar... girls know... they just fucking KNOW. they can smell it when you have NOTHING to loose by loosing her.

[VerbalJudo]

True, easier said than done, unforutnaley options are limited now.

[Dark]

2 year olds are too young to date...

~~Affection

You beat me to it man!!

Dark

[_oxygen_]

You should look into a cure for one-itis. When I sobered up and realized that the woman I married was NOT who I wanted to be with and she realized I was wanting more out of life than she did. She started cheating on me with this dude. I called her out on it. I told her that in our marriage cheating wasn't acceptable and she needed to think about someone other than herself for once. She basically gave me some BS and said she'd stop seeing him and wanted to work things out.. all that.. What it came down to was a big test. she thought I would put up with it and not leave. I left and now that the divorce is finalized she wants me back. I'm not going back and I'm glad I left. I had zero game I'd been married for 10 years. I'm getting back into it now. I WAS devastated that my 10 year marriage was done BUT now I see it as a blessing. Things work out for the best. I'm free from that bitch and exploring my options. Thank God. Your life has nothing to do with chicks. I had to learn to be content with myself first. It's all about the inner game. I'm not there quite yet, but I'm coming up strong, thanks to this community and the people in it.

Oxygen

[Stander]

Oxygen, great post

[Aetio]

You should look into a cure for one-itis. When I sobered up and realized that the woman I married was NOT who I wanted to be with and she realized I was wanting more out of life than she did. She started cheating on me with this dude. I called her out on it. I told her that in our marriage cheating wasn't acceptable and she needed to think about someone other than herself for once. She basically gave me some BS and said she'd stop seeing him and wanted to work things out.. all that.. What it came down to was a big test. she thought I would put up with it and not leave. I left and now that the divorce is finalized she wants me back. I'm not going back and I'm glad I left. I had zero game I'd been married for 10 years. I'm getting back into it now. I WAS devastated that my 10 year marriage was done BUT now I see it as a blessing. Things work out for the best. I'm free from that bitch and exploring my options. Thank God. Your life has nothing to do with chicks. I had to learn to be content with myself first. It's all about the inner game. I'm not there quite yet, but I'm coming up strong, thanks to this community and the people in it.

Oxygen

This kinds of things is what I love most about this community

Congrats on your new found freedom and power.. keep on rocking !!!!

[Finn]

It seems like you're coming off very needy and possessive. What do you mean you want her to commit? If you've been going out with her for 2 years aren't you in a committed relationship already? She's 21 so I'm not sure what you from her? Also why do her friends and parents have against you? You say it's not your fault but what is it?

[LordSinistR]

dude she is fucking with your head big time! don't let her do that! if you really want her use reverse physcology on her and it will fuck her head up bad!

it's ok to stay in contact with her but show her you have moved on and are out with other chicks and then she will want you but i gotta say if she is playing these games to get you all riled up then it's time to find someone else. your in college for gods sake! pussy is everywhere! go get LAID!!!!!!