Sovereign
01-12-2007, 11:15 AM
First let me say, it is nice to be here, and it is good to see so many familiar names. This is my recent post in the community, so I figured I would make it my first post here.
Warning: This technique should not be judged for what it CAN do, but rather evaluated as a 'technique'. You'll see what I mean.
We are all familiar with the notion of 'push/pull' and the reasoning behind it (if you are not familiar, you should look it up). Admonish/support (A/S) is an emotional push/pull and can have astonishing results if used properly.
Here's the theory:
Over time, if you escalate an emotional roller coaster with a female, carefully orchestrating the highs and the lows, than she will become emotionally dependent on you.
Again, look at this not for judgment, but in what it can do to achieve certain goals. Like anything, this can be used in moderation to hook a girl and become top of mind, or it can be used in the severe which is to over time completely and totally devastate her (and no, I am not advocating that, despite my own twisted proclivities!).
There are various ways to use this:
In the beginning - You two just met, fluff talk is in progress and she is bitching about her job. Instead of just nodding along, or trying to change the subject, try this:
Support her in her complaints, tell a personal story that commiserates with that complaint but then at the end of it, begin slight admonishment, "Although, what have you done to really change anything? Are you just resigned to going to work everyday hating it? Have you done that with anything else in your life?" Now if she has done this with anything else, than it is a pattern, you admonish the pattern. If she hasn't than you admonish as to why this situation she be different than ones of the past.
This is slight A/S which helps you create a stronger emotional bond. Now for something a bit more severe, (an example I used just earlier today), let's say she complains that guys never want to be friends with her, they always just want sex. You can now go straight into admonishment first, and set it up with something like:
"Ok, let's say for a second you are right about that, although I think it is a bit presumptuous. I mean if I claimed every girl wanted to fuck me and not be friends, I am sure you might roll your eyes a bit at that. But ok, let's assume you are correct. Are you saying that this is something that is unique to you or the terrible burden all women must suffer?"
Now she has to choose. If she says it is just her, than she is egotistical if she says it is something ALL women suffer, than she is delusional. See how you set up the admonishment? Going further if she says, "Just something I found to be true for me." Than you say, "So you're telling me that while those other lucky women out there can have a bunch of male friends, you have to deal with guys constantly trying to fuck you?? Why do you think that is? Do you think you are just THAT irresistible or are you not giving off a friend vibe to guys and you have to look at what YOU'RE doing a little closer?"
Again she is cornered, she can't say she is irresistible unless she is insane. So, she has to admit she is doing something wrong. And therein lies the admonishment.
Now she views you very differently. The average guy either says, "get over yourself" or "that's because you're hot!" or.."No, I want to be friends also." But look what you did there...she's cornered and being forced to rethink her entire statement because of what you are saying, you are becoming an authority figure. Now you can complete the roller coaster by switching quickly into support (with a little DHV) with, "But yeah, I do see what you are saying in a way, there are lots of girls who I really just want to be friends with but sex always seem to get in the way." Then go a bit funny with, "Ok, enough of the When Harry Met Sally discussion, anyway..."
You controlled the entire frame of this, even though it started out with her trying to say that she doesn't like it when guys just want to fuck her.
Over the course of time and a relationship (whether it is short term or long term), you can continue this behavior (unlike push/pull which you really can't continue to the same degree of effectiveness in a LTR) and escalate it to your desired results. Once again, escalating this to an extreme level IS emotional abuse. You cause extreme highs and then extreme lows, attacking everything harshly and also heavily supporting.
It is the roller coaster that causes the attachment. An entire book can be written on this technique (different levels, different proportions for different results...70/30, 40/60, etc.) and this post doesn't give it justice, but enough people have asked the explanation, so here it is.
Keep in mind, never admonish without a correction, do not just say, "You are wrong" or "You are needy", rather get them through your admonishment to admit that they are wrong and/or needy. The best admonishment is when you get them admonishing themselves. ALSO, you should be supporting with the same amount of energy and vigor as you are admonishing, do not get caught up in the ability to admonish. And always follow the two close together, do not support on the issue one day and then admonish on the next, they should go hand in hand, this is what creates the rapid fire emotional roller coaster. (although I would recommend not even trying this until you have read the entire theory in full).
Use wisely, tread carefully.
with love,
Warning: This technique should not be judged for what it CAN do, but rather evaluated as a 'technique'. You'll see what I mean.
We are all familiar with the notion of 'push/pull' and the reasoning behind it (if you are not familiar, you should look it up). Admonish/support (A/S) is an emotional push/pull and can have astonishing results if used properly.
Here's the theory:
Over time, if you escalate an emotional roller coaster with a female, carefully orchestrating the highs and the lows, than she will become emotionally dependent on you.
Again, look at this not for judgment, but in what it can do to achieve certain goals. Like anything, this can be used in moderation to hook a girl and become top of mind, or it can be used in the severe which is to over time completely and totally devastate her (and no, I am not advocating that, despite my own twisted proclivities!).
There are various ways to use this:
In the beginning - You two just met, fluff talk is in progress and she is bitching about her job. Instead of just nodding along, or trying to change the subject, try this:
Support her in her complaints, tell a personal story that commiserates with that complaint but then at the end of it, begin slight admonishment, "Although, what have you done to really change anything? Are you just resigned to going to work everyday hating it? Have you done that with anything else in your life?" Now if she has done this with anything else, than it is a pattern, you admonish the pattern. If she hasn't than you admonish as to why this situation she be different than ones of the past.
This is slight A/S which helps you create a stronger emotional bond. Now for something a bit more severe, (an example I used just earlier today), let's say she complains that guys never want to be friends with her, they always just want sex. You can now go straight into admonishment first, and set it up with something like:
"Ok, let's say for a second you are right about that, although I think it is a bit presumptuous. I mean if I claimed every girl wanted to fuck me and not be friends, I am sure you might roll your eyes a bit at that. But ok, let's assume you are correct. Are you saying that this is something that is unique to you or the terrible burden all women must suffer?"
Now she has to choose. If she says it is just her, than she is egotistical if she says it is something ALL women suffer, than she is delusional. See how you set up the admonishment? Going further if she says, "Just something I found to be true for me." Than you say, "So you're telling me that while those other lucky women out there can have a bunch of male friends, you have to deal with guys constantly trying to fuck you?? Why do you think that is? Do you think you are just THAT irresistible or are you not giving off a friend vibe to guys and you have to look at what YOU'RE doing a little closer?"
Again she is cornered, she can't say she is irresistible unless she is insane. So, she has to admit she is doing something wrong. And therein lies the admonishment.
Now she views you very differently. The average guy either says, "get over yourself" or "that's because you're hot!" or.."No, I want to be friends also." But look what you did there...she's cornered and being forced to rethink her entire statement because of what you are saying, you are becoming an authority figure. Now you can complete the roller coaster by switching quickly into support (with a little DHV) with, "But yeah, I do see what you are saying in a way, there are lots of girls who I really just want to be friends with but sex always seem to get in the way." Then go a bit funny with, "Ok, enough of the When Harry Met Sally discussion, anyway..."
You controlled the entire frame of this, even though it started out with her trying to say that she doesn't like it when guys just want to fuck her.
Over the course of time and a relationship (whether it is short term or long term), you can continue this behavior (unlike push/pull which you really can't continue to the same degree of effectiveness in a LTR) and escalate it to your desired results. Once again, escalating this to an extreme level IS emotional abuse. You cause extreme highs and then extreme lows, attacking everything harshly and also heavily supporting.
It is the roller coaster that causes the attachment. An entire book can be written on this technique (different levels, different proportions for different results...70/30, 40/60, etc.) and this post doesn't give it justice, but enough people have asked the explanation, so here it is.
Keep in mind, never admonish without a correction, do not just say, "You are wrong" or "You are needy", rather get them through your admonishment to admit that they are wrong and/or needy. The best admonishment is when you get them admonishing themselves. ALSO, you should be supporting with the same amount of energy and vigor as you are admonishing, do not get caught up in the ability to admonish. And always follow the two close together, do not support on the issue one day and then admonish on the next, they should go hand in hand, this is what creates the rapid fire emotional roller coaster. (although I would recommend not even trying this until you have read the entire theory in full).
Use wisely, tread carefully.
with love,