Space Gap

[guitarz]

guys i need your help..so i was at my college campus chatting with these two girls...and then one of them brought up a topic about hair.. so they started to talking about their hair and by the time i knew it i was like sitting their locked out as they were talking about their female shit...I just couldnt literally think of a way to transition into another topic..what should i have done

[negatron]

guitarz, i know exactly what you are talking about. This happens to me all the time and then you don't know what to do, ie leave, add into the conversation and look retarded, etc. The problem I found in myself is that I wasn't controlling the frame and was jumping in their hoops too much. Try early on to control the conversation and keep their attention going. Another thing i have actually tried and works well is plainly interupt them by going into antoher routine. I was talking with a three set and it was going well, then they started talking about people they know and drama w/in their friends or sometihng. I pretended like I just got a text and said "OMG you guys are not gonna believe this" and go into another routine you have. I need to get a lot better at this area as well but just try and control the convo and keep their attention on your stories and interupt when needed. What did you end up doing?

[-Silver-]

Haha! Man this is the perfect time to go into cocky/funny and get them laughing, allowing you to lead the conversation in any direction you choose. Once they're laughing you've got an instant 'in'. I got to pretty much perfect this situation over my first year of university, when a lot of the girls I spoke with were in equine courses. As soon as they steered the conversation towards horses, a topic I knew jack-shit about, i'd just pretend to be really interested and knowledgable about it.

In your situation, I would have said something like: "Omg, I was totally thinking about getting those blonde highlights in my hair the other day. And possibly curling it as well! I mean, this short-spiky style (or whatever your hair-style is) is just done to death these days. Of course my friends were recommending a perm, but hey, they don't know anything!" Keep it cocky and they'll reason what you're hinting at. Get them laughing and you've won their favour. You're now officially entitled to steer the conversation onto any topic of your choosing.

Theoretically it might be possible to simply state that you know nothing about the topic, and it would be rude not to talk about something you can contribute to. Although girls can respond well to being called-out (it doesn't happen often at all) it's a bit risky, and nothing is more effective than a healthy dose of laughter. You don't want to come across as a bore now do you? ;)

-Silver-

[checkers]

If women start talking about girlie stuff, then I give them some CF and pretend to be gay for a few minutes. OMG like, you wouldn't beLIEVE what happened to so-and-sos hair yesterday. Like seriously, it was just hideous! They'll get the point and usually go towards a more neutral topic.

King, thats a great re-frame btw. Nice going.

[guitarz]

good replys guys.. but this was not a set really..they were just female friends .. i wasnt gaming in this situation...we weere just sitting talking and then they went into femal cosmetics and hair... just friends sitting and chatting... but as the guy in the group i still felt locked t.. I sat there looking at like a text msg and then said to one of them (who i have class with) OH MAN .GONNA BE LATE AGAIN , lets ge going

[Planet]

Hey there, Guitarz:

good replys guys.. but this was not a set really..they were just female friends .. i wasnt gaming in this situation...
.
I think that might have been your first mistake, IMHO. I don't know how effective it is to be in "friends talking" mode, and then all of a sudden you try to change the frame.

Hopefully others with more experience than I will chime in.

Also, I look at EVERY interaction I have with a female now, and I only talk to them if I feel that conversing them will help ME in some way. I never talk with women as "friends" anymore. I either approach them with the intent of running game on them, or to practice openers, or practice reading body language, or work on negs. So if I am NOT gaming them, than I am at least PRACTICING some part of my game.

Hope this helps,

Planet

[-Silver-]

"I wasnt gaming in this situation." - guitarz
"I never talk with women as "friends" anymore. I either approach them with the intent of running game on them, or to practice openers, or practice reading body language, or work on negs. So if I am NOT gaming them, than I am at least PRACTICING some part of my game." - Planet

Guitarz, you may not be 'gaming' in the sense of intending to bed the girls, but you seem to be viewing this as: I have a gaming personality, and a friends personality. Wrong. You should be aiming to improve upon your own personality, not create an alter-ego you can slip into when you're sex drive kicks in.

Planet, you almost have it there. Except that sometimes you really should talk to women as just friends. Whether you sleep with your female friends is a different matter altogether, but if you go through life treating all women as potential targets and neglecting to just slip into a friendly, truly outcome-independant chat, then you'll feel real lonely, real soon! You clearly have a strong desire and commitment to improve, so that's awesome. Just don't go overboard!

What you want to achieve here is simply a 'better you'. As cheesy as that sounds. You two seem to be at opposite ends of the spectrum, with Guitarz completely separating his own personality with gaming, and Planet suffocating his. I certainly made the mistake Planet is making once, but Mystery's line: "Let the Venusian Arts enrich your life, not define it." brought me back on course. It's here to improve, not take over.

There will be a point when you're new, charismatic self shines through without any effort on your behalf. And while you will still need to micro-calibrate and analyze your game when you're conversing with a target, everything you say and do will be second-nature amongst friends. those girls won't change the conversation to their hair when you're leading the interaction and keeping them entertained. And if you're allowing them the pleasure of leading for once and this situation does occur, you'll just know from habit how to deal with it. So while you won't be gaming everyone you meet in the fashion that Planet is saying, he's almost bang on. It should come to you subconciously. You might just notice that when you talk to people you always bring smiles to their faces. When you're around your friends they warm to your prescence and miss it when you're gone. And even when you're buying a burger at McDonalds, that guy behind the counter will respond to your charisma. Not in that way... at least you'd hope not...

-Silver-

[Planet]

Hey there, - Silver - :

Thanks for your input.

Except that sometimes you really should talk to women as just friends...

Yes, I should have clarified that since I am new to the game and since I am trying to work on it in a systematic way, RIGHT NOW, I am treating all women as potential targets (or pawns, or practice pads).

I do have several female FRIENDS who are just that - friends I can have great conversations with and learn from. My best friend in the world is a woman who I have known (and danced with) for three years and have always had a strictly platonic relationship with, and all my other friends are women as well. And I have no intention of gaming them.

They helped me out during a really, REALLY bad time in my life. Now some of them are going through rough spells, and I am there for them.

But since salsa dancing is a BIG part of my life, I do have to admit that if they weren't that good of dancers, their friendship would mean a lot less to me. It's just that you have only a limited time on this planet, and if people love the things you love, you will naturally spend more time with them, right?

Planet

Oddly, I have NO male friends.

[guitarz]

Thanyou .. that was very helpful .. your right about the idea of changing to a better you...a better personality