Girl From Work...

[J-Daddy]

OK so at the beginning of July a new girl who is beautiful and my age (28) started working for my company which I am the owner's son and future CEO but currently I'm just a supervisor. When I met her I started flirting and she reciprocated, definite chemistry at least IMO. A few weeks into her job there I gave her a ride home from work and our conversation led to her revealing without my inquiry that she was single. We continue our flirtation for another week or so and she needed another ride home the following week. When I dropped her off, I asked her if she was comfortable with the idea if she would like to go out with me and she said yes. Before she got out of the car she asked "if I give you the money will you bring me a coffee when you come by the office tommorrow?" I said yes, but asked for no money. I went by the next day with the coffee and essentially every day for the next few weeks. We continued to flirt at work and talk on the phone every night, we found that we had a great deal in common. Also, there was a day when she had missed work because she was having a colonoscopy and we spoke on the phone that night as I was looking into how she was after the procedure and she asked if I wanted to give her a ride home the next day and I of course said yes. So, I pick up a bouquet of flowers with this teddy bear that wraps around the vase to give to her. When I opened the door of the car, I grab the vase and said "these are for you, I hope you feel better". Her eyes lit up like nobody had ever given her flowers before and she yelled "Thank you J----" and she gave me a hug and went in for a kiss and I swear she was trying to kiss me on the lips, but I fumbled and ended up kissing her cheek. We talked a little more over the next week and we had our date this past Saturday and we enjoyed each others company. I asked her if she wanted to go out again and she said yes, but said "I don't know what you're looking for, but I'm not looking for a relationship because I just got out of one and I don't date people that I work with, but I like hanging out with you and want to keep spending time with you." I didn't get it. I thought we were connecting. So I took her home and when she was getting out she said she hoped we can do it again and said "so we're boys right?", I kind of smirked and put my fist out for a fist bump and she laughed and bumped it and also gave me a hug and a kiss. So that night when I got home I sent her a nice message on facebook saying the things that I like about her and how although my intentions were romantic I understand and respect her feelings and I will cherish our new friendship. She appreciated the message and responded by telling me how great I am and how she looks forward to our relationship and she said "relationship" and thanked me for respecting her. Well unbelievably on Monday, she was actually fired from my office (and no I had absolutely nothing to do with it I swear to God). So she called me after she was let go and told me that she was fired and I said I was sorry and she said it wasn't my fault and I told her that I hoped she knows I had nothing to do with her getting fired and she knew I didn't and told me to keep in touch with her. I had talked to the office manager who fired her (who I am very close with) and she gave me her insight that if she wasn't interested she should not have been flirting with me, which I agree if she wasn't just throwing up a smokescreen for whatever reason. Also the office manager told me that she seemed relieved when she was let go and didn't argue to stay at all. Well I called her today because she left some stuff at the office, nothing important, I was just looking for a reason to call her and see how she was. She found a new job and starts on Monday, so I don't feel awful. I told her I was leaving for Las Vegas on Wednesday and I would call her when I get back. She said, "well call me before you leave so I can wish you a good trip". I said OK and we hung up the phone. Sorry this was so long, but here's the $64,000 question, is there still a chance with this girl? Does it seem like I am doomed into a platonic relationship only with her? Were her excuses for not wanting to date me real or just nice ways of saying she isn't attracted to me, if not she sure had me fooled. If anybody sat there and read this whole thing I'd like to shake your hand because you are a true brother. Please help me, I really like this girl. I know I acted lame and like a complete pussy, but I did what I felt would make her happy.

[Revel]

Heya man, to me it seems that you approached things from a far too logicaly. The flowers etc buying her coffee etc is what I would term as very AFC behaviour and probably came over to her in the same way. The fumble during the kiss on the cheek also would have suggested to her that you aren't preselected which we all know is one of the major attraction switches.
Also when it came down to the point where she set up the lets just be friends frame you bought right into it with the fist bump.
She was hoping that you'd sweep her off her feet, so she could say to her self that it all "Just happened" instead you were overly considerate of her comfort levels which in turn made her feel uncomfortable.
[critique/]
how to sort this out.
From this point it will be very difficult but is doable.
1. You need to demonstrate that you have other women in your life (preselection) this can be from photo's from your "amazing time in vegas" or by getting her to hang out with you and some other women friends of yours.
This also builds a jealousy plotline. in short making her wonder if she misjudged you.

2. You need to stop thinking of her as "the prize". YOU are the prize, she should be greatful for your attention.

3. STOP BUYING HER STUFF, every time you buy her something it seems to her like you're trying to bribe her into bed and unless she's a prostitute that isn't going to get you any points.
(if you're going round for round on drinks that ok)

personally at this point I would either try to make her my pivot or I would go out and meet someone new. It's easier to start from scratch than it is to recover from this situation. Don't be afraid if necessary to cut her out of your life altogether, it hurts at first but then you feel the power from the fact that it was your choice.
Then if you happen to bump into her in a year or two's time you will have your game together, you'll have more experience and will know what mistakes not to make. Basically a fresh start.
It's never easy in these situations.
In my case, I recently cut all contact with my major oneitis, I was a quivering wreck for the rest of the week but the sense of freedom since then has been amazing.

[SloRide]

I am the new guy here so take what I say with a grain of salt.

Rule #1:
Never get involve with someone at work or where you live (same apt bldg.)

Why:
Because in most cases it will end at some point and them you have to see each other daily. Sometimes with hard feelings.

Exception: If you dead P-whipped and sure she is the one. Find some excuse to let her go (fire her). Then empathize with her over the company letting her go. Then go after her outside your work place.

Dropping shields, other members may now shred me.

[J-Daddy]

Thank you for the advice guys I really do appreciate it. Unfortunately I can do nothing to salvage this situation because of a very morbid and surreal reason. When I returned from my vacation I learned that this woman passed away. I know that it sounds like I may be joking, but I assure you I would never joke about such a thing. All I can do now is appreciate the chance I had to know her and view her presence in my life as the insight I needed to know that maybe I really do want to find true love.

[evolutionm27]

wow man sry to hear that. that must have been devastating to find out. Some people spend their whole lives searching for true love, i feel lucky i found mine on my first shot. but hey man you never who whos out there or whats in store for you in your life. im sure you will find your soulmate.