View Full Version : How to Maintain Control in Relationships

05-13-2008, 09:07 PM
Think back to every relationship you ever had... someone was always in control. And the person who is in control is the one who decides whether or not the relationship continues.

It should go without saying that this is the position you want to be in from the beginning. And once you have established control, you must never let it go. Now, I don't mean you should be controlling. I mean you should be in control of your world. Your happiness shouldn't be dependent on someone else's decisions.

If things are going bad in your relationship, putting the decision on her is the worst thing you can do. The problem guys have, is that when you love someone you never want to think you didn't do all you could to make it work. In fact, I've heard guys say exactly that "well at least I did all I could do." You finally have to just come to the realization that if you truly want a chance of being with her, then you have to be willing to let her go. If you can't do this, then you might as well stop reading and prepare yourself for the painful time to come.

In order to keep control, you must keep the confidence and independence you had when you first started dating. And don't give in to her all the time. Of course, you don't want to be a stubborn jerk, but you definitely don't want to be seen as someone who will back down when someone challenges you. Women are attracted to guys who are "in control." This shows confidence, leadership, and security, which are all qualities that women are attracted to.

Be a leader. Even with the little things, whether it's deciding what you are going to do on a date, picking the restaurant, choosing a movie. Always have a plan and don't be afraid to put it out there.

Here's a valuable hint: Try to never us any of these phrases: "Whatever you want to do is fine with me" "What do you want to do tonight?" "It really doesn't matter to me" "I don't know, what do you want to do?" "Is that ok with you?"

Girls hate when a guy won't take charge and make decisions. I know most guys think that they are being attentive and caring when they ask what she wants to do. But trust me, this gets annoying quickly, and it sets a bad precedent that you have to ask for her approval. So the next time you have a date scheduled, don't call her and ask her what she wants to do. Call her and tell her what you are doing. Take charge! Be a man!

You'll notice, the big things and the little things are all about setting a frame of control in your relationship. If you are the one who decides the little things, you will be the one who decides the big things.

05-14-2008, 02:12 AM
Decent post good read its true Kudos -- TruTh

08-12-2008, 12:30 AM
Good stuff. It's important to always go back to basics.

08-13-2008, 08:17 AM
I've tested this concept and found out that many times women have a vision on how a date should look like beforehand. So just coming out and saying where we are going or what is going to happen doesn't work exactly as it should.

It worked much better for me if I let her in on my decision. I wouldn't ask her if she approves but some kind of question would be in order. So I'd say "we are going to this place" and then ask "have you been there before?" or just presume she knows it and ask "what do you like about that place the most?"

She might say that she doesn't want to go there so a backup plan saves the day.
It happened that I wanted to go for a walk after a drink (towards my place of course) but she said she didn't want to walk but in reality she wanted to go to my place so when I suggested we go relax on my couch (I know, I know...) walking there was no problem.

IMO beeing too controlling can have the opposite effect. Even in conversation if I "took charge" of the thread it is better to have her input on it. I make a statement or tell a story then ask her a question about it. If nothing else I just ask "whats your perspective on this?"